


Aught But Death

by selfinduced



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fake Marriage, M/M, in which jace is turned into a werewolf, jace wayland/bad decisions - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 17:35:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19817188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selfinduced/pseuds/selfinduced
Summary: "Sorry, should I not have said that?" Jordan backpedals, "I'm a little drunk. I take it back. You're hideous. And heterosexual."and,It’s a turn.Jace is turning. His eyes change completely over from angelic gold to a bright werewolf blue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sugarbucket25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarbucket25/gifts).



> whose writing kept me afloat through my darkest period of academic despair.

"I mean. At least you have that hair. And you know," Jordan waves a hand at Jace as if indicating his body in general, "all of _that_."

Jace pauses mid- swig and puts the bottle down to raise an eyebrow.

"Sorry, should I not have said that?" Jordan backpedals, "I'm a little drunk. I take it back. You're hideous. And heterosexual."

"Oh we both know neither of those things are true," Jace smiles down at his bottle, pausing to look Jordan over consideringly before he slides over the shot of tequila he hasn’t touched yet.

Jordan stares at it for a second and then up at Jace who is watching with an expectant smirk.

"I have a room upstairs," Jordan says, words tumbling out like he's not thinking about them before they come out, "It seemed far enough from the Hunter's Moon and Jade Wolf and Simon's apartment."

Jace actually throws his head back and laughs in a way he never does around other shadowhunters or their usual downworlder friends, standing up with his beer in hand. That’s exactly why Jace is at this bar that he’s already forgotten the name of, so he can avoid everyone he knows. Except this guy, apparently.

"Lead the way, praetor.”

They stumble less than expected, both less drunk than they looked and wanted to be, and in the dark of the back stairwell where the noise of the bar is dampened down, Jace crowds up to Jordan's back and turns his head in to his neck. He's never really--well it's not a regular thing. That anyone knows about. For Jace to be with men. But people—genders, species, whatever—are all the same with different plumbing. And it’s not like Jace has ever stuck to the same species.

He puts a hand on Jordan's hip, sliding it around to fan over the werewolf's stomach when he leans back into Jace, going soft and pliant.

"You sure Maia won't mind?" He murmurs. "She'll smell me on you."

"She can't stand to get close to me and doesn't want me that way ever again, so."

"So here you are, using me to dull your pain," Jace kisses the join of his neck and shoulder, huffing a laugh, "Good choice," grazes his teeth on an earlobe, "I'm an excellent distraction. Maia thought so too, one time."

He laughs outright when Jordan's breath hitches.

"Do you like that? That you're going to let me fuck you after you know I've fucked her?"

"Don't talk about her like that."

"Why?" Jace asks, amused, "It's practically an honor, not an insult."

Jordan whirls around and shoves him up into the wall, arm barring across his chest.

"This is exactly what she did you know,” Jace smirks down at him, not even fumbling his grip on his beer bottle, “shoved me into a wall before she had her way with me."

Jordan stares at him, eyes hard, then looks at his mouth, and kisses him hard and punishing. Just like Maia had that one time in the alley.

 _Perfect._ He lets himself get lost in the feel of teeth on skin. At his lips, his neck--werewolves seem to have a thing for biting, Jace observes, a part of himself distant and watching his body go through it all.

"Thinking about your missed chance with the redhead?"

Jace says nothing.

"No?" Jordan kisses up to his ear, "Your parabatai then," he pulls back to watch Jace's face close down to blank, "Ah, there it is. He doesn't have use for you anymore unless your life is in danger. So here you are, using me to dull the pain." He smirks as he echoes back Jace’s earlier words.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Jace opens his eyes, quiet and dangerous.

"You're right. Maybe I don't." Jordan comes in to kiss at the corner of his mouth until Jace relents and kisses him back. But then, "You can call me his name if you want," he whispers without a shred of self-preservation.

Jace freezes for a moment. Then chugs the rest of his beer before dropping the bottle and throwing Jordan over his shoulder and running up the last few steps. Kicks down the door tosses him onto the bed.

The werewolf looks up at him with bright, burning eyes, mouth wet and bruised. "Have I made you angry, shadowhunter?"

Jace kicks a leg backwards to shut the door behind him and pulls off his shirt, unbuckling his belt and kicking off his shoes and pants with practiced ease. Jordan scrambles to do the same before Jace gets there to shove him down flat on the bed. 

"You could have just said you wanted it rough," Jace pins his arms above his head, bites at his chest, and knees his legs apart, "Do it like she does."

Jordan relaxes into it for a moment before flipping him over and straddling him to grind down and Jace smirks, eyes lighting up to activate his strength and speed runes so he's a blur as he sits up to reciprocate Jordan's rough hands and nails digging into his body.

It's some mixture of sparring and sex and everything he needs right now. Jace loses himself in it without a second thought.

Outside, the city is darkened by a raging thunderstorm, covering up the full moon Jace wouldn't have noticed anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec doubles over with pain clutching his parabatai rune for the second time this month. “Jace,” he chokes out, watching Magnus receive a fire message and open a portal.

Jordan Kyle steps through stuttering and frantic, but all Alec can see is Jace under his arm, blood running from his shoulder down his bare chest, and staining the bedsheet wrapped around his waist.

Alec only vaguely registers the words the werewolf is saying—something about “ _Lost control_ ” and “ _bit him_ ”—panic building at the way Jace’s eyes are glowing like they’re desperately trying to activate an iratze but everything is _pain_.

He’s on the him like a roaring fire, " _WHAT DID YOU DO_?" Worse even than when he saw Raphael with Izzy.

-

Magnus puts out a hand to form a protective shield of magic in front of Jordan.

But Jace has already jumped forward, stopping Alec in his tracks. "Alec stop! It was an accident. He risked his life to bring me here. You know the Clave will execute him if they find out." 

Alec catches Jace as he falls forward, eyes rolling back, and cradles Jace with his whole body. He throws his head back and screams his name like he's possessed, eyes lighting up gold just like Jace’s and then flashing to blue as Magnus and Jordan watch in horror.

It’s a turn.

Jace is turning. His eyes change completely over from angelic gold to a bright werewolf blue, and so does Alec's, both of them convulsing with the pain that wracks through Jace's body. 

"Alec?" Jace's voice is the kind of raw and wounded that should never be heard by anyone else, terrified and alone.

_So this is what it takes to shake him._

"Alec I can't--I can't feel--" he reaches out blindly, but Alec is already taking his hands, kissing them, putting them on his face.

"I’m here, Jace, I'm right here," wrapping around him, cheek pressed to Jace's temple, murmuring _I'm here, I’ve got you_ over and over, face wet as he gasps for air.

"Alec," Jace rasps, “Don’t let go.”

"I would rather die first," Alec says hoarsely, tucking Jace’s face in his neck and pushing his shirt up to put hands directly on Jace’s skin, as if trying to make up for all the runes as they light up and disappear with touch and willpower alone.

"No, don’t do an’thing,” Jace gasps for breath, “Don’ d’anything stupid. Just hold me.”

“Always.” Alec sobs, rocking them back and forth, “ _Alwaysalwaysalways_.”

-

"It’s my fault. I accept full responsibility. I understand if you want to turn me over to the Clave." Jordan won’t look up and meet any of their eyes.

Magnus called Luke, Raphael, Izzy and Clary, which had brought Simon, who had brought Maia.

They crowd into the guest bedroom where Alec carried Jace to the bed once he turned back to human form, maintaining physical contact at all times. Jace is too weak to move, thus Alec hasn’t left the bed for hours.

Alec looks at them numbly, "Nothing you do will change Jace back."

"Alec, you have to--" Izzy stops herself when Alec looks up at her with a horrifyingly blank stare.

"If I don't touch him, I can't feel him anymore, Iz," he says, broken, hand pressed to Jace's side over a rune that’s no longer there.

Izzy nods. "We'll bring you something to eat.”

At some point, Jace attempts to get up and makes it two minutes while pulling on a clean shirt before climbing back towards Alec who raises his arm wordlessly, equally as anxious and exhausted. 

-

"Okay everyone,” Magnus rallies the troops. “As much as it is necessary to provide emotional support, the purpose of gathering you all here was actually to manage this situation before it gets to the Clave.”

“Why? This isn’t the first time Jordan’s turned someone. Do we just let that happen? Does he need like training or something?” Simon folds his arms, face uncharacteristically hard.

Luke puts a hand out to squeeze his arm, but turns to Jordan, “Why _did_ you lose control? It makes sense that you turned Maia during your first full moon after turning. But it’s been years. You’re part of the _Praetor_ now.”

“It’s. We were.” Jordan stutters.

“Sex. We were having sex.” Jace speaks up, voice weak but steady.

“So? Maia never lost control when we were together,” Simon steps forward again angrily.

“I haven’t—not since I turned.” Jordan speaks to the floor, “I was too afraid after Maia to be that close to anyone. Put them at risk.”

“But you made an exception for Jace.” Alec’s voice is hard and bitter. 

"Alec," Jace says softly, "I'm not a victim here. I should've been more careful. I should've noticed he wasn’t fully in control. I’m a shadowhunter, I should know perfectly well when the full moon is."

"How long has this been going on?” Alec can’t be appeased, “Do you love him?"

"No of course not, it's not like that, I was just--" Jace pauses to breathe, "And anyway, why does it matter if I love him or not!"

"I just want to know if it was worth it," Alec says, voice thick with tears, "First you run off with Clary, and now this--"

"I was doing my duty when I went after Valentine with Clary!"

"And this? Was this duty too? Screwing a werewolf who has a known history of losing control--"

"I had sex, Alec!” Jace says furiously. “Nothing I haven't done a hundred times before. This isn't even the first time I've been with a werewolf. He wasn’t even being as rough as I was until the bite! We should both have stopped to set ground rules, a safeword, anything. I didn’t even stop to find out that he’s as inexperienced as he apparently is."

“Rough?” Alec’s eyebrows raise comically high, color high on his cheeks and the tips of his ears before he goes back to glaring, "That's the problem. Do you ever think of me when you—"

"How can you say that! My heart doesn't even know how to beat without you!" Jace’s voice raises to almost shouting level.

Neither of them notice everyone filing back out to the living room, closing the door behind them.

-

“Are they always that dramatic?” Jordan mutters, making Simon snort despite himself.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Maia shrugs.

"As I was saying,” Magnus clears his throat, “We must tread carefully here. This goes beyond the actual incident and reflects on the entire downworld. The Clave may want to make an example of Jordan, but even worse, it could become an excuse to change policies towards all downworlders.”

“And the downworld would be willing to sacrifice him in order to at least try to not let the entire New York pack come under fire." Luke finishes.

"What can we do?” Clary asks, “Is there somewhere Jordan could go where he could hide from the Clave?" 

"I’m afraid not.” Magnus says, “Perhaps if Jace defends him, that could help.”

“But more than likely, Jace himself will be questioned with the Mortal sword,” Luke shakes his head, “Actually, they’ll probably want to make an example of Jace, too. He’s been responsible for a lot of shadowhunter deaths, even if most of them were circle members who attacked him and Clary, or when he was possessed. Many hold a grudge.”

“And downworlders haven’t forgotten when he activated the Mortal sword.” Raphael nods. “The Clave knows there won’t be many downworlders to defend him either.”

"He’s already been deruned, what more can they do?” Clary says, “Execute him for sleeping with the wrong person?”

"He could be exiled and stripped of his memories of the shadow world," Luke tells her, looking haunted, “It would be hard to justify, but the Clave is good at finding excuses.”

"Alec won't survive that." Izzy glances back towards the guest bedroom where Jace and Alec are still quietly, furiously arguing but never losing physical contact.

"So our best bet is to make sure the situation is handled here before the Clave ever hears about it,” Maia finally speaks up. “Make sure they think all the facts are already on the table and there’s no reason to question anyone.”

“Yes.” Luke points at her, “Good thinking. We say Jace already killed the werewolf who bit him. We can produce a body—steal one from the morgue. Make sure it’s a mundane that can be believable as having recently been turned, maybe traveled in from out of town so no one in the New York pack can be known to have turned them.”

“And when the Clave wants someone to punish and finds no one?” Jace asks quietly, from the doorway, Alec right behind him with a hand on his back. “We can’t give them a closed case.”

“So we tell them you killed them but lost the body. Maybe at the docks. Wouldn’t be the first time.” Maia looks steadily at him. “That’ll give the Institute something to search for and keep them busy without having a reason to question you. And eventually they’ll find a body at the bottom of the river and we’ll condemn him as a rogue werewolf from out of town who we already made an example of. Would that satisfy the Clave?”

They all stare at her for a moment in awe and nod.

“And what happens to Jace now that he’s—turned?” Clary asks.

Jace shrugs one shoulder. “Who cares? I'm not one of you anymore, maybe I got what I deserve.”

“Don’t you dare act like this is just about you,” Alec says low and angry, “You’re my—” 

"Your what, Alec?” Jace says, tired and scared and bitter, “Parabatai? Brother? I'm none of those things. I'm Jace _Herondale_ and I killed countless mundanes and over a dozen shadowhunters, including almost murdering my own grandmother so I would have been literally the last living person in my family. Calling me your brother doesn’t make it real and I can’t be your parabatai anymore. I have nothing to give you."

Alec stares like he’s been punched, swaying on his feet slightly. Then swallows and lifts his head. 

"Marry me."


	3. Chapter 3

“What?” Jace frowns like he's waiting for the joke.

"Marry me.” Alec comes closer to stand in front of him.

Jace flinches away but Alec puts his hands on Jace’s arms to keep him turned to face Alec.

“They can’t take you away from me—they can’t separate us if we’re so open and visible that it makes a political statement. Right now most of Idris is afraid of or jealous of you. If we got married, they’ll shift to seeing us and you as a symbol of hope for what our generation wants. It’ll become too politically expensive for the Clave to punish you and risk losing popular support."

Jace looks disbelievingly at him.

Alec swallows, eyes desperate, "You'll be more protected from questioning than either as a shadowhunter or downworlder, it'll be a lot harder to quietly throw you in a cell somewhere if you're married to the head of the institute.”

"Can you even marry--"

"A downworlder? Yes, your ancestor Will Herondale--"

"--a man." Jace finishes. 

"Our world is changing,” Alec talks fast, jumping at the fact that Jace isn’t saying no, “Not as fast as the mundane world around us maybe, but we don't live as separately as Idris wants to pretend. After the Circle purges, the old power structure in Alicante isn't as stable. Younger shadowhunters now outnumber the older generation. The LGBT shadowhunter community and supporters see our Institute as a safe haven. They come and talk to me.”

Jace knows. He’s met some too, who came to him assuming he’d be on their side because he's Alec’s parabatai. He could have told them he didn’t need to have his parabatai be gay to be supportive, but it seemed a moot point.

“There would be significant backlash.” Alec’s eyes look back and forth between Jace’s, searching, “And there’s a precedent, actually. Aline told you she proposed to Helen, remember? And that's all the way in Alicante, should be easier to get away with it here in Manhattan."

"And what's to stop them from just replacing you?"

"Your grandmother, for one. As your husband not only will I still have the Lightwood name but I'll be Lightwood-Herondale. Two of the most powerful families. It won't just make big news, I'll have direct access to the Clave, influence, voting rights, information—I could protect you a lot more than as just the head of the New York Institute." 

"You think Imogen would support this?" Jace frowns, trying not to show the unexpected thrill inside him at Alec combining their names. 

"If she thinks it's what you want." Alec's voice softens, “I can’t imagine she wouldn’t want grandchildren. Plus, your biological children would still be shadowhunters.”

He wraps a hand around Jace's arm above his elbow, the jolt of bare skin reconnecting them so they can suddenly breathe again.

"Marry me, Jace," Alec's standing so close now, face bent to mirror Jace's, eyes soft, the flecks of green in them vivid in the sunlight.

 _Yes_ , he thinks, and Alec can read the answer in his eyes before he even says it, but "What about Magnus?" is what comes out when he opens his mouth.

Alec frowns as if the thought didn't even occur to him but shrugs, "He'll understand that this is important."

"So marriage on paper only, yeah, that's," Jace nods shortly once, not sure why this is the detail his mind is hung up on out of all this insanity. "I mean of course, I knew that, I just meant, yeah of course you'll still see him." He clamps his mouth shut, frowning at himself.

-

It's Izzy and Clary who look more hesitant than the two of them, both of them looking at Alec while Izzy speaks as if she's sounding the words out, "So we'll have to make it believable that the marriage is real, to get support from the community and Inquisitor Herondale, probably make it a big show, but as soon as possible. Even though you’ve both been dating other people."

"We can say that as soon as the parabatai bond was no longer an issue, you decided to marry." Clary responds before Jace or Alec can, "It'll win people over to think you were being noble and holding back all this time. People love a star crossed romance. That will make it harder for the Clave to move against you in any way."

Jace looks around at all of them wordlessly, head spinning and not sure where to even start. Maybe with _why are you all so calm about this?_

"I can't let you all put yourselves at risk like this." He runs a hand through his hair and paces, though brushing past Alec every few seconds, finally stopping in front of him. “And how long would you have to keep this up? What about actual dating, this is no life to live—"

“Really that's what you're thinking about? Hasn't sex gotten you into enough trouble?” Alec snaps. 

“Not for me, for you!” Jace glares, “You wouldn’t be able to date—"

“You think I'd put anything over your life?" All of Alec's calm and patience with Jace suddenly evaporates, "We can't even breathe when we're not touching!"

-

Jace stares at him, taking the one step between them to throw himself on Alec with a look that makes Alec think for a second he might kiss--but no. Of course. His mouth lands on Alec's cheek, soft and ardent, like so much more, as Jace’s arms wrap around his shoulder. _I’m sorry_ , he doesn’t need to say for Alec to hear it.

Alec closes his eyes and lets it wash over him, squeezing Jace tight to himself. “I can’t live without you. You know I can’t. Can you live without me?” he murmurs so quietly only Jace can hear him.

Jace swallows audibly, shaking his head.

-

"So it's settled." Clary looks around at them, walking towards Luke and Simon, “You guys’ll fake a body as a dead werewolf and dump it in the river.” Then she turns to Jace, "And you’ll say a rogue werewolf you didn't recognize got the drop on you, you didn't see who it was."

"He was drunk," Alec supplies while Jace makes a face at him.

"But he still managed to 'kill' whoever it was. So we don't end up starting an investigation to find a werewolf who’s still alive, definitely not Jordan who’ll stay here in New York and act like he has nothing to hide.”

Jordan shifts but says nothing.

She gives him the benefit of not staring at him. “And Jace lost track of where the werewolf went in the struggle at the docks after dealing a mortal blow--maybe the werewolf ran away before dying or maybe they fell in the water, so we’ll have to send out a team to recover the body and ID our dead werewolf. That’ll keep everyone busy and distracted."

"Meanwhile, Jace managed to get to you," she comes to Alec, "And you helped him through the transition, called on Luke and Magnus for help with healing and werewolf knowledge—Luke established that Jace is stable and will be able to go on as a werewolf just like Luke did when he turned. And seeing that Jace is now effectively deruned and no longer a shadowhunter or your parabatai, you--"

"Asked him to marry me," Alec's hand clasped in Jace's tightens when Jace makes a protesting sound, reaching out with his other hand to cup Jace's face, "To protect him and keep him close, yes, but also because he's still Jace," his eyes are on Jace's like he sees nothing else, "and this whole thing doesn’t change how I feel about him." 

"Right," Clary picks up, "So you're engaged."

"I can't even use a stele or wear a promise rune for you," Jace says roughly, staring at his hand in Alec’s.

"Clary will portal me to the family vault so I can get Alec's family ring, pretending he got it already and proposed before we go back to the Institute, and Alec can rune himself." Isabelle hurries to add, unable to bear seeing Jace hurting, "We'll take care of it, Jace." She turns to Clary, "Go on."

“So we throw a big showy wedding as soon as possible, sometime next week, make sure everyone knows that the Head of the New York Institute is marrying his male former parabatai, a Herondale, and let everyone draw their own conclusions. Spread some gossip about their devotion to each other, which is well known already after everything that’s happened the past two months. We invite all of Alicante and maybe even use the chance to scope out who's in favor or against."

"And how long would this charade continue," Jace clenches his jaw. 

"As long as it needs to," Alec says, unhesitating.

"Hopefully not for too long," Luke holds up a hand, "We'll keep looking for a solution, son." He looks at Jace, the word soft, warm in a way Jace has only seen him be with Clary and Simon.

"After the 'investigation' into finding the body of a rogue werewolf has come to dead end, and the excitement has died down, and the shadow world has accepted your new role--yes, that will happen, I speak from experience, remember?" Luke shakes his head before Jace can protest, "You'll have to make the downworld like you again--be charming. _Don’t_ date them."

"Being married should help with that.” His eyes flick over to Alec before turning back to Jace.

“The downworld is ultimately a tolerant space full of misfits where we forgive past lives--even one like yours," he says gently, "So give it a few months and you'll be accepted as part of the downworld and able to move around safely, and the Clave will accept that they can't just punish you for being turned into a downworlder, and other shadowhunters will have learned how to interact with you as not exactly one of them but still trustworthy. Then you can divorce like a mundane couple. It's uncommon for nephilim but not unheard of."

"So a few months," Jace muses out loud, "and then Alec will be free." 

Alec frowns, but it's Luke who speaks again.

"You'll probably need most of that time anyway to adjust. I had Jocelyn to help me through, and Valentine and I had been growing apart for a long time before he--but the loss of a soul bond is—” Luke trails off, face haunted, "Unimaginably painful. You've noticed that you're touching a lot more than usual.”

Jace and Alec shift but not enough to dislodge their shoulders leaning against each other.

“Yeah. I don't think Jocelyn and I spent more than a few hours apart the first few weeks. It got easier when she gave birth to Clary—as a baby I carried her everywhere I went in a wrap and it soothed me, gave me the strength to build a new life where I could raise her with Jocelyn." Luke raises an arm without looking, and Clary comes to his side and tucks up under it and hugs his waist. “You were probably what saved me, kiddo.”

Jace tightens his jaw against showing emotion as he watches them. Becoming a werewolf had worked for Luke, even if it was hard, but Luke had Jocelyn and Clary to take care of and love. They’d needed him. Jace? Jace has people who don’t need him and are actually endangered by trying to help him. The only way he can make this better is if he can go back to fighting demons. But Luke joined a pack and continued to help people even without being a shadowhunter. He can try to do the same.

-

"He's--"

"Your parabatai, I know."

 _My everything_ , Alec thinks guiltily. "More than anything else in our lives, he's mine and I'm--" He swallows painfully, "I need him." 

"And you can't live without him." Magnus looks out at the skyline, "I've known parabatai pairs before, Alexander. I've even seen the extremely rare case of the bond breaking while both are still alive."

"I knew you'd understand." Alec exhales gratefully. 

"What I haven't seen," Magnus says quietly, "Is what happens when they're allowed to be together afterwards." He takes a breath without turning to look at Alec, "How long do you think it'll be before your marriage becomes more than convenience?"

"You know Jace doesn't--we've never--"

"That Jace in there is not the little boy from your childhood stories, not even the tortured pretty boy sleeping around and avoiding thinking about his daddy issues I first met.” He smiles faintly, “This incident not withstanding."

Alec opens his mouth, but Magnus brushes a finger over his lips, "I'm not diminishing your feelings for me, Alexander. This is your first true relationship where you've been allowed to love, to discover who you are, and I've cherished discovering it with you. I've even had to do some growing of my own and forgive myself for things I've avoided for centuries. I know to you our time together feels like everything, and it _is_. But as I've said before--it has been less than two months.”

Alec doesn't know what to say, can’t focus because back inside, Jace is stirring, and it’s been a whole ten minutes that they’ve been apart, and he can’t stand the thought of Jace waking up to see him not there. "He's waking up, I have to go back."


	4. Chapter 4

“I came as soon as I heard,” Imogen enters the infirmary where Jace is fiddling with a stele that is now useless in his hands, attached to medical scanners. She comes to stand close and look carefully at his face, “It’s true then?”

Jace nods, looking down at the floor, “I’m sorry.” 

“Oh my dear boy, you cannot be blamed. This does not make you any less a Herondale.”

Jace looks up, eyebrows furrowing, eyes blurring.

Imogen comes closer then, a hand raising in an abortive gesture, starting to fall back down, and Jace looks at it, glancing up—and something in his face must have communicated—her hand reaches back up, carefully, slowly, coming to rest against his cheek. He swallows hard, leaning into it despite himself, and she breaks and hugs him. “My dear boy.”

He’s been hugged by Maryse—more so when he was little, that turned into the quick greeting hug of a visiting general, and these days it’s a newly made woman trying to find her footing outside the shadowhunters as a community and make up for past hurt.

This is similar but—something about it. He had been a little hopeful but mostly thought it would all be pressure, but Jace is used to pressure—and the relief of not having failed her by becoming—this. It’s enough. It’s everything.

When she pulls back, he’s ready to let go too, not needing more, and it’s surprising. Maybe there’s something to biology after all—or maybe it only works with people who want to build a family with you.

“So what’s this I hear about an impending wedding?” She flicks her eyes to the Lightwood family ring on his hand.

Jace wants to look away but holds fast, he refuses to be ashamed of marrying Alec, but still, he’s shaking with the fear of losing it all.

“Yes,” He clears his throat, “Alec and I.” He pauses for a long moment. “It’s a really unusual situation.”

“I see.” Imogen nods thoughtfully. “Well, I can’t say that it’s particularly surprising. And times have certainly changed. I want whatever makes you happy. It will—take some doing, on my part.”

He chooses not to comment on how so far _no one_ has found it 'particularly surprising' as a relieved breath rushing audibly out of his lungs. “I appreciate you making an effort. I--”

“No my boy, I do not mean effort to accept your marriage. You have my blessing when it comes to that. I meant that I'll have to work on smoothing things over with the Clave and our political status despite your new downworlder status.”

“There’s something I have to—I was hoping—could I,” Jace attempts to speak while staring in awe, “Would it be okay for me to give Alec my mother’s ring?”

“My boy, the ring belongs to you now. It’s only fitting you present it to your—spouse.”

Jace can’t breathe, choking on the lump in his throat.

“And Jace?”

Jace looks up at her wordlessly.

“We can get the ring re-engraved for Alec as well as re-sized, if you like. Perhaps you could engrave his wedded union rune into the ring and I will activate it for you, as you will be unable to use your stele on Alec during the ceremony.” 

“You would do that?”

“You are my only grandson.” She doesn’t smile but her eyes are the closest thing to it, and they’re suspiciously bright too, “It's my honor to take care of these things for your future. I'll see to it personally.”


	5. Chapter 5

Alec has had this dream an embarrassing number of times for an equally embarrassing number of years beyond adolescence. Gold suits and braided metal cuffs and Jace’s eyes looking up at him like Alec is all he can see--

Alec tries to loosen an already unbuttoned collar. He can’t breathe.

"Alec I--"

He turns to see Jace staring open mouthed in the doorway, cheeks flushed.

“Angel. Alec you look," he sounds breathless, closing his mouth and swallowing. "Good. You look good."

He frowns, eyes searching Alec’s face. "What is it, you nervous? We don't have to do this. I was proud of you when you walked away from marrying Lydia. Just say the word and we'll stop this just as easy. Easier. No one to be disappointed in us.”

“Yeah I’m sure the San Francisco Institute won’t mind cancelling the gala they're throwing in our honor at all.”

“They’re really going all out, aren’t they? I think the Copenhagen one is throwing an actual parade?” Jace rubs his forehead with a grimace, “But none of it matters. Not to me. Us getting married was a crazy idea and—”

"No, that's the one thing I'm sure of,” Alec interrupts. “It’s just—” _I’m afraid of kissing you in public. Of kissing you at all. Of being kissed by you and have it mean nothing._

"You're afraid of us having to kiss. It'll be so public, it has to be believable, we've never done it, a million thoughts are going through your head right now because you're Alec and you overthink."

"I do not." Alec protests, then relents at Jace's eyebrow raise, "Ok, fine, yes. I might need to throw up. A little."

"You can if you need to. Just rune clean before I kiss you." Jace shakes his head as he smiles, "Just stand still and try not to jump, and I'll handle it."

"Why are you so calm? You hate this plan."

"I still hate this plan, but if there's one thing I can count on, it's you, so kissing you is not something to be afraid of." Jace comes to stand close, voice softening to a murmur that draws Alec in even before he puts his hand on the back of Alec's neck.

Alec bends down without hesitation, watching as Jace's face gets even closer, brushes his lips light, chaste, over Alec’s. It still makes him shiver and feel like he might do something irredeemably stupid, but the sky does not fall, and Jace has already left by the time he unfreezes.

-

"Oh good, you're dressed," Izzy fusses with his hair, "I had to talk mom out of coming in here to help you. She’s taking all this way too well. Can’t tell if she somehow expected this from you two or if this is just how she is now, living as a mundane."

"Thanks, I'm not sure I could handle her right now." 

"Are you sure about this big brother?" She meets his eyes in the mirror, "I know we would do anything for Jace, but you were just starting to--"

_Get over him? No, Iz, I never was._ "It's just a few months, Iz. Things will go back to normal by spring. I need to keep him safe and this is the best way." He says instead.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with having to share a bed, or the way Jace has been looking at you," she smirks, hands shifting from smoothing his tie to tickling.

"Isabelle!" He laughs and pulls her into a headlock and musses up her hair. It doesn't work, of course. She looks completely flawless when she wriggles away and puts her arm out to escort him up the aisle as his _sugenes_.

-

"Here goes--" _nothing_ , he starts to say, but when he glances across the altar to the other side, Jace is looking at him again, not bothering to hide it this time. He doesn't need their bond to know the depth of emotion Jace is directing at him. The person who loves him most in the world, even now without a rune to tie their souls together, they’re bound.

Beside him, Isabelle huffs a laugh under her breath. "Oh yeah totally platonic."

He's used to Jace looking at him with devotion, as if Alec is his whole world. He's not used to Jace looking away from him—shy? That can’t be it—but the tint to his cheeks getting darker the more Alec watches him, forced to rely on his expressions rather than feeling his emotions directly. The way his mouth is the slightest bit open when Alec holds out his forearm for the cuff bracelet, the sharp intake of breath when Alec's thumb brushes on the inside of his wrist when putting his own on Jace.

"This is runed," Alec stares down at the ring Jace slides on his hand, and then up at Jace, whose eyes blaze brightly up at him. 

“I carved it in. I couldn’t bear the thought of you not wearing my mark,” Jace murmurs, “Imogen--grandmother—said she can draw it on properly with a stele later.”

_Wearing my mark._ Alec swallows down the need to kiss Jace senseless right then and there, manages instead to nod gratefully at the Inquisitor standing a few steps behind Jace, hand shaky as he takes the stele from Izzy to draw the wedded union rune on the Lightwood ring before he slides it on Jace.

Jace's eyes flash gold so briefly that Alec would think he imagined it if the rune on Alec’s ring didn't light up too. So they won’t need a stele after all, if what he thinks just happened actually happened. He takes Jace's hand quickly, tucking his fingers into Jace's palm and thumb instinctively to cover it up before anyone realizes that the runes on _both_ of their rings activated, holding Jace's confused eyes. Better not to let the Clave realize there's anything new about Jace to investigate.

_It's okay, just kiss me,_ he thinks at Jace. 

Jace drops his eyes to Alec's mouth, smile returning, and raises his cuffed right hand to brush Alec's cheek. "Second kiss," he murmurs, and Alec finds himself smiling into it, the brief touch of their lips as natural as breathing—

If he ignores the shock of heat like flint striking together to start a fire.

If his insides hadn't been that way already it would be concerning. But Alec is used to this, smiling through it all like he's not burning up with images of more, more of this, alone, just Jace and his skin and his mouth on Alec's with no one to see them.

-

Alec doesn’t see or hear anything else all evening besides Jace’s eyes, his voice, the touch of his mouth on the back of Alec’s knuckles. Lips warm on his ring flashing bright and burning onto his finger, a tangible reminder of who he belongs to.

There are attendees from Institutes around the world and Alicante that they barely know, telling them what a brave step forward they've taken. He tries to mingle and Jace stays by his side, just like any other time he keeps Alec company during diplomatic events even though he hates schmoozing. Except this time they’re holding hands and Jace is sparkling up at him instead of focused on charming their guests. Though that alone seems to be charming their guests, so there’s that.

By the time Jace leads him away by the hand Alec's almost forgotten what this is, eager to be alone with him. Everyone probably expected them to sneak away, except maybe less sober.

Which they are. Neither of them are even a little bit drunk but Alec stumbles in the hallway close to their room—Jace’s room because it’s the farthest away from Ops and everything else and thus bigger—when he realizes that once they're alone Jace will stop gazing up at him in that way that warms his insides and touching his lips warm to Alec's palm, the pads of his fingers, going on his tiptoes to kiss the point of his jaw. 

He’s mourning the loss of contact before it even happens. But Jace doesn't let go of his hand as he toes off his shoes and falls back on the bed uncontrolled enough to bounce, making Alec fall forward to kneel on the bed next to him.

"This feels better." Jace smiles at their hands, rubbing his thumb over Alec’s knuckles, over his ring, and brings it to his cheek to rub against it. Runs his fingers up from Alec’s wrist to his elbow.

"What?" Alec can't seem to get enough air, aching with want, staring at Jace's hand as it trails maddeningly higher, fingers tucking under his rolled up shirtsleeve to stroke the inside of his arm. Alec's never been so aware of the inside of his own elbow before, the soft skin behind his biceps reacting to the metal of Jace’s ring, warm from his body heat. 

"Marriage." Jace slides his hands back down to gather Alec's other hand in his as well, kissing both of them, "I don't know, it doesn't bring our rune back, but it's something."

"Our rings." Alec clears his throat, trying to focus. "They flashed like the runes activated."

"Yeah good job covering that up, I wanted to activate yours when you drew on mine but I didn’t think I could actually do it."

Alec sighs and rolls to fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling instead of falling into Jace’s eyes as they lie next to each other, shoulders pressed together, knowing that they’ll fall asleep touching each other just like they've been doing every night now that there's no bond.

He has no excuse to reach into Jace's hair and stroke it, but he could. To skim his lips over the stubble lining his cheek, but he could do that too, maybe. Probably. Pass it off as the same as Jace kissing his hands all the time. Alec's kissed his temple before, pushed his face into the side of Jace's, it wouldn't be such a big step. Everything is new now, the desperation to be physically close pushing them to be even more tactile than they'd been already as parabatai. Jace keeps kissing his _hands,_ and not just the back, no, but his _palms_ , which--Alec has to swallow down a moan every fucking time.

So maybe he could.

But he's not Jace and he doesn't know how to put his lips on Jace's skin and not feel like he's dying. Doesn't know how to stop at his cheek and not taste the hollow of his throat, lick at the pulse jumping there—

Alec sits up abruptly and pulls his hands away to start taking off his shirt. When he looks down, Jace is mirroring him, unbuttoning his shirt like it’s a synchronized movement between them in battle, except it makes Alec breathless and flushed and he has to bite his lip and look away.

Jace’s nose is the slightest bit cold as it traces up his shoulder, face pressing into Alec’s neck, whispering, “Sorry, you weren’t touching me, and I missed you.”

“I’m right here.” He doesn’t tell Jace he’s ridiculous because they both are. It's not that different from when they first became parabatai, actually. Alec turns his hand palm up and links their fingers together, brushing his thumb over Jace’s knuckles, letting his feelings press loudly into the touch knowing that it won't give him away because Jace won’t be able to feel them anymore.

“I like that this makes us belong to each other again in some way.”

Alec tries to smile lightly at him, "So you’re comparing our parabatai bond to marriage? Are you gonna hit on me now just because you can’t hit on anyone else?"

"I wasn't, I wouldn't! Alec--I would never. I know you and--"

“I was kidding,” Alec manages a grin and ducks away from the shove Jace gives his arm, “Angel, you should see your face.”

"No, but seriously Alec,” Jace swings his legs out over the edge of the bed and shakes his head, “I know you'll have a real marriage someday," he shrugs up one shoulder, his body carefully still, and Alec knows it means he’s holding back, trying not to look needy. He doesn’t miss the ‘You’ll’ instead of ‘We’ll’ and how Jace doesn’t see himself having the marriage and family that he assumes Alec someday will. "I'm just saying this makes up for a small part of the loss. Even if only for a little bit."

"Dad did say marriage felt like a strange and less important thing." Alec tries to meet his eyes, cups Jace's cheek so he'll stop avoiding looking up, and hugs him close, resolutely not thinking about what pressing so much bare skin together, in bed, does to him. "Nothing else can compare, Jace. You being a downworlder isn't going to change that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Alec smiles into his hair, warm and sleepy and just tired enough to push Jace back onto the bed and lie down next to him, grinning with his eyes closed when Jace's hand slips under his to fit them together and keep it held to his chest over his heart.

-

Everything is the same.

Alec goes over reports until the night team returns from patrol. Meets them in Ops so they can debrief and sign out to the next team. Hands out assignments and confirms schedules.

They’re almost done when Jace appears at his side, body warm and close. That too, is the same.

But Jace keeps moving in until he’s actually pressed into Alec’s side, warmer and closer and smelling like the fabric softener he uses on his bedsheets—their bedsheets. The ones he woke up on this morning, curled in Jace’s arms, taking a whole twenty minutes just to move out of them and leave the bed instead of snuggling closer and kissing his neck.

"Morning," Jace's lips brush his cheek softly, hand curling into his, rings rubbing against each other in a way Alec’s not sure he’ll ever get used to, and smiling conspiratorily at the team, "Sorry everyone, I have to steal my husband for a moment." He turns to Alec, "Imogen is leaving soon, she'd like to see you."

The team stares at the both of them, a few of them looking one step away from cooing. 

"Yes, of course. We were just about done," Alec for the life of him can’t remember what he was even saying, opening and closing his mouth as he turns from Jace back to Pennyweather who had been speaking.

"So we'll do one more sweep north of the docks and possibly a body scan in the water?" Clary prompts. 

"Yes. Pennyweather, please have the plan for the waterway search to me by tomorrow morning. Dismissed."

"Too much?" Jace murmurs as he stays holding Alec’s hand on their walk to Imogen’s rooms, "I thought it'd be a good idea."

"It's--" Alec clears his throat and whispers back, "Fine. Good thinking." 

Jace beams at him, bringing their joined hands up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, and Alec finds himself completely lost again, following Jace blindly down the hall. 

"Jace," Imogen Herondale’s face softens before turning to Alec, "Ah, Mister Lightwood,” pauses, “Alec, may I call you that?"

"Of course. It's Herondale-Lightwood now, anyway." Alec finds himself smiling. He was planning on turning on the charm but finds that he doesn't need to. She was the one who had the idea to have his wedding ring runed.

"Herondale-Lightwood," she says, as if turning the words over in her head, "Yes. And you may call me Imogen," she smiles wistfully, "I cannot communicate in words how it feels to see the Herondale name extended—and that, Alec, is why I wanted to speak with you. The Herondale estate is open to you and any children you might have."

"Jace can't even enter Alicante," Alec frowns.

"I am working on that with the Council.” She brings her hands together, “Idris is changing, Mr. Lightwood--Alec. I want you to know I will be doing what I can."

Jace is staring wordlessly at her. Alec reaches over to put a hand on his back, “So what, do I need to sign paperwork?”

“No, no your marriage runes are enough.” She shakes her head once, “But as Jace is currently unable to enter Alicante, as you astutely pointed out, you could perhaps serve as his proxy. Come visit, at any rate.”

“Of course.” Alec nods, “I’ve already reached out to my political contacts to do what I can to make sure Jace doesn’t become a target or an example for the Clave just because he was turned accidentally. With your ties to the Clave itself, we have a much better chance to protect him.”  
  
“And restore him to his birthright,” Imogen raises her chin, “Forgive me for being blunt, but I do hope to have grandchildren.”

Alec can’t do anything but nod more, pressing his fingers into Jace’s back to keep him from reacting outwardly as she bids them goodbye and they follow her to Ops for her portal back to Idris.

"She thinks we're going to have kids." Jace looks stricken.

"You'd be a great dad. Look at Luke with Clary, it's possible."

Jace shakes his head as if snapping out of daze, "Yes, bringing a child into my fucked up life will be perfect icing on the cake of me being a horrible father, let alone a single parent."

"Ok, one,” Alec holds his shoulders, rubbing his thumbs as if to soothe away the bitterness, “You would _never_ be a single parent because I'll be there. And Iz. And mom and dad and Clary and Luke, and,” he sighs and rolls his eyes, “That vampire. And two,” He shrugs, “That's like, years away."

"Yeah. Speaking of Luke, I have to go meet with him and figure out how to handle this werewolf thing, make contingency plans for the full moon. Also get out of the Institute, I'm putting everyone on edge."

"Has someone said something? I'll talk to them." Alec takes his hand as they walk out to the hall. 

"I can handle myself, Alec," Jace gives him a look, "I'll be back in a couple hours." He reaches up and Alec bends down immediately and without question for the kiss on his cheek, squeezing his hand, telling himself it’s for the audience of shadowhunters in the Ops center below the ramp they’re on, pretending not to watch.

And if he stands there looking in the direction Jace left for an entire minute like an idiot, well, that helps sell it, so. 

As if on cue, his hearing rune helps him pick up whispers. _I knew there was something with those two_. And, _Right? Parabatai did_ not _explain all that eyefucking._ Alec chokes quietly into his fist and flees to his office.

Everything is _not_ the same.

-

Days are fine.

Jace has been spending time during the afternoon at the Hunter's Moon, not quite as intrusive as the Jade Wolf, but still enough of a toe into the downworld outside of late night socializing, and spending time away from the institute.

Alec misses his presence like an aching wound as each time Jace stretches the time they can stay apart by a little bit and an hour becomes two, three.

But days are fine.

Except when they're not _._

He hasn’t seen Jace in three and a half hours.

Alec puts down his tablet in the middle of an important briefing with barely an “Excuse me,” and finds himself running with rune-enhanced speed, leaping rooftops and scaling down walls to get to his parabatai. The pain in his chest only abates when he sees Jace from the doorway of the Hunter’s Moon.

Jace looks up at him with bright, pained eyes, hands in a white knuckled grip on the table in front of him the only give-away that he’s feeling exactly what Alec is. Outwardly, Jace is nodding and laughing at something the werewolf server refilling his drink is saying to him.

Alec is at his side before he knows he’s moving, arm over the backrest, wrapping around to grip Jace’s shoulder and meeting eyes pointedly with the werewolf who was apparently making Jace _laugh_ as he kisses his jaw and neck, holding hands on the table where their wedding rings will be clearly visible.

“Hey,” Jace sounds amused but leans into the touches, “Thought you’d be busy with that briefing for another hour at least, I was gonna grab dinner here.”

“Missed you,” Alec kisses his cheek one more time for good measure, eyes still on the server, “Let’s go home.”

“Do we have to?” Jace turns to him, “You’re already here and you know you want nachos more than spaghetti cheese surprise back at the Institute.” _I didn’t want to eat in the cafeteria without you and have people stare at me._

Alec softens, thumb brushing at his cheek as he focuses his gaze on Jace instead of glaring at the unsuspecting pretty girl who didn’t know better than to flirt with his husband, “You’re right. I don’t know why I even said that. Nachos, definitely.”

His heartbeat seems to calm down the longer they’re touching skin to skin—and the werewolf server is gone, thoroughly aware that Jace is taken.

Alec finally remembers the reason for the long debriefing and why it was so important in the first place. “And we have something to celebrate!”

“Yeah?”

“The investigation into finding the wolf who turned you has officially been closed to the satisfaction of all parties, especially me, your parabatai, representing both of us, since we’re the most highly motivated to find the culprit and punish them.” Alec leans in, smiling helplessly into Jace's ocean eyes and the hand he's put into Alec's hair—barely holding in a shiver and a shameless push into his hand for more.

Jace isn’t moving away. 

Other shadowhunters are trickling in by the time they’re done with their meal, and Alec feels justified keeping his ankle hooked into Jace’s and their thighs pressed together as they decide on dessert. Jace, for his part, is smiling contentedly up at him, leaning his cheek on one hand as he sips his drink.

Alec doesn’t quite manage to not smile back like an idiot and look at his mouth. Needing to taste. Needing to touch.

He holds out a bite of his tiramisu instead, feeling his heart race as Jace holds his eyes curiously but bends to take it. His lashes flutter closed as he licks at his lips, chasing the taste.

“Good?” Alec asks, breathless, and Jace nods, eyeing Alec’s plate hopefully, making him laugh.

"Wow those two are really doing a good job of looking married," Simon is muttering at Maia, who shushes him, and whispers, “ _Wolf hearing!_ ”

Alec, who's close enough to hear him _without_ wolf hearing, _or_ his hearing rune, freezes, looking around.

Jace shakes his head at him. _No one noticed._

Alec leans down anyway, heart racing out of control as he hovers his mouth near the corner of Jace’s. Jace doesn’t move away, holds perfectly still except for a small, breathy noise in his throat—assent, and Alec ignores the deafening sound of his own blood rushing through his body to press that last millimeter forward, touch his lips to Jace’s, belly dropping into free--fall.

"Are you sure this is necessary?" Jace murmurs quietly without turning fully towards him.

"I'm not taking any chances," Alec cups his jaw to turn Jace to face him, thumbing at his lower lip so Jace opens up, tilts forward just a little in invitation. Alec means to press softly once, like their kisses before, except open mouthed. But no movement. But Jace tilting his head like that, lower lip pursing out, eyes trained on Alec’s mouth--Alec's been holding it in for so long, he's lost.

He opens his lips against Jace’s, moans around his tongue and puts a hand up in his hair, cupping the back of his head to pull Jace closer, hold him there as Jace bites at his bottom lip, teeth gentle enough not to hurt but demanding enough to make Alec crazy, licking inside like he belongs there and Angel, he does. He belongs inside Alec. Alec presses closer, forgetting everything but the need for more—Jace’s mouth on his and fingers curled around Alec’s wrist—

They break apart only when Maia clears her throat. "I think that's good guys."

"Sorry," Alec rasps, clearing his throat and trying to breathe, staring down at his food without seeing it. Jace does the same, flushed, and it’s—too much. Misleading. Alec doesn’t know what to do with it, so he focuses on pushing things around his plate instead of kissing Jace again.

So days are fine. Mostly. He’s antsy if Jace is out without him, but that's not unlike their whole lives before this, even before they became parabatai. Alec tries not to think about how he can't sense Jace like avoiding a wound that an iratze won’t heal—

Days are fine.

Except when they’re not.

-

And then there are nights.

Nights are--

He tries to look at all communications sent out from Alicante to check for any mention of werewolves, but all he sees are Jace’s lips, wet and red and lush after Alec kissed them, and the dazed look, pupils wide and dark—not—not unaffected. Alec swallows. Tries to read the last line again. _Number of weapons shipments from—_

Jace’s hand, curling around Alec’s wrist, coming up to run fingers down Alec’s jaw, pulling his mouth back just a little but tongue stroking at Alec’s on the way—

_Weapons shipments. Iron sisters. Council requests--_

Jace's arms slide around him from behind, voice a low, warm rumble at his temple, "Come to bed, you’ve been at this long enough."

Alec nods wordlessly, waving off the display table and following Jace, who leads him to their room by the hand, and Alec feels his insides warm and soften like plastic left next to a radiator, too tired to fight it. He does finish up a report on his tablet as Jace showers first. By the time Alec finishes brushing his teeth and climbs into bed beside him, Jace is half asleep, and in the center of the bed, curling up to Alec’s back instead of moving back to give him space.

-

Mornings though, are the worst.

On days when he sleeps in, opening his eyes to hazy golden light, Jace’s hair in the sun begging to be stroked, and being handed coffee in bed as Jace watches him, warm and indulgent, waiting for Alec to become verbal and human. Some part of their bodies always touching—ankles, arms, Jace’s palm on Alec’s side over where their rune used to be, as Alec hides his face behind the coffee mug and whatever pastry was available that morning to thoroughly appreciate all the naked skin on display without being caught.

Jace's eyes glow blue and gold in the mornings—not like a normal werewolf. Alec doesn't know what to make of it--maybe his pure angel blood reacting to the situation--he's afraid to say anything and remind Jace of his being a werewolf again so soon.

On days when Jace crawled in late from night patrols and Alec’s the first one up, Jace is spooned up to his back and mouthing at Alec’s—bare, because he’s not a saint, and if Jace gets to sleep shirtless, so does he—shoulder, arms roving over Alec’s skin in his sleep until Alec gathers up the willpower to move away before something happens that shouldn’t. If he were a better person, he’d move away before it even got that far. Jace might be asleep, but _he_ isn’t.

Alec’s painfully hard either way, rushing into the shower and drawing silence runes ostensibly not to disturb Jace’s sleep, but mostly so he doesn’t have to hold in the sounds he makes as he strokes himself with the hand wearing his wedding ring and comes all over the tiles thinking about Jace’s lips on his skin, morning wood pressing into Alec’s back—fuck. Alec bites the back of his wrist and drops his head to the tiled wall in front of him, trying to catch his breath as his cock jerks again helplessly even after being wrung out.

Then there’s these last few days.

Jace has been repeatedly on evening patrols coming in past midnight and Alec in meetings that have to sync with Alicante’s time zone, and they head to bed together in the early hours of the morning, too tired to pretend they’re not desperate to be close, for physical touch to ground them and make up for the lack of their rune.

As reasonable as the explanations are, the fact is that they’re literally just cuddling.

It’s all Alec can do not to moan out loud when Jace lies on his stomach next to Alec and pushes his face into Alec’s neck. Spreads his hand wide on Alec’s bare side, to flatten his palm on the spot above his hip where their rune was, outlining the shape of it with his thumb.

Jace might as well be kissing him there—licking the rune in with his tongue instead of his fingers, and _oh fucking hell_ —he shouldn’t have thought of that.

Alec bites his lip and tries to breathe slow and shallow and not make any sudden movements, head thrown back to make room for Jace at his neck, fingers digging into Jace’s shoulder, the top of his arm, one leg bent up to hide his erection, which—can Jace really be so fucking oblivious? Alec should tell him to—to back off. Get to sleep. Being next to each other is enough. Holding hands is enough. _It’s not. Don’t stop. Never stop. Put your mouth on me. Mark me again. Put our rune back on me with your teeth and kiss the pain away. Kiss me again. Just fucking kiss me._

He says nothing.

Breathes until he can pry his hand from its death grip on Jace’s shoulder and stroke soothingly at his hair instead, brush his cheek against Jace’s forehead and whisper, “I’m here. I’ve got you. We’re together. We’ll always be together.”

Jace nods, nose brushing along his neck, the quiet “Love you,” almost too soft to hear if it wasn’t said so close to Alec’s ear.

That’s not the worst though.

The worst is when they wake up, because now they’ve both slept in, and Alec isn’t waking up to Jace already awake and mostly out of bed, or still asleep while Alec manages to pull himself away and go shower—

No, now they’re both on the verge of waking up together, and Alec is still asleep enough to move against the warm body in his arms without being awake enough to tell himself _no_.

"Alec, are you," Jace writhes in his arms, and Alec feels it because he’s wrapped around him, “I thought we weren't going to.”

"Fuck, sorry," Alec stills his hips, snatches his hand back from where it was running down Jace's belly and palming down over his briefs to press instinctively over his hard cock. Rolls onto his back and covers his face with both hands. "Angel, I’m sorry, I was asleep, I didn’t--" but somehow it seems less mortifying than it would have once upon a time, when Jace didn’t make a habit of kissing Alec’s cheek and his hand and, Angel, his mouth that one time in the Hunter’s Moon--

"You thought I was—yeah, cool, I get it." Jace nods shortly, sitting up.

Alec hears the unspoken _Magnus,_ and Alec hadn't.

Alec hadn't been thinking anything but about the smell of Jace and the warmth of his skin and that it was just a dream like every other dream he’s woken up to his whole life: Jace in his arms, warm and pliable when Alec pushes him into the bed and moves on top of him, running hands down Jace's chest smooth under his hand, the little trail of hair down his belly as Alec grinds the heel of his palm down his front and grips his thigh, his ass—Jace has an unnecessary amount of ass, honestly--

And the million fantasies he's completely failed to not develop about waking Jace up with his hands and mouth.

That’s all Alec’s been able to think about.

So.

"Um. It's just that. I also haven’t had. You know." _Any time to be alone and jack off except quickly in the shower in the two weeks since you turned._

He's taken breaks here and there during the day, tried to keep it short but inevitably it had become thoughts of Jace's lips on his neck, Jace's thick callused fingers wrapped around him wearing his ring, the veins on his arm cording with every slide--oh god those damn thick full lips and the way Jace is always biting them--Alec hasn't felt like this since he was nineteen and still learning to stop jacking off to Jace's stupid body on an hourly basis. It makes sense that he’s slowly unraveling to the point that he’s—that he’s done this.

"Oh Angel, and you usually like waking up by--" Jace stutters, because of course Jace knows exactly when Alec jacks off, has felt it in the morning growing up when they’ve both—unspoken but felt, "Man I've been so traumatized by the last time I had sex that I've been pretty perfunctory about all that."

“Ye-ah,” Alec flushes and clears his throat, completely done with this conversation as he hurries blindly out of the room while Jace rushes to the shower.

So mornings.

Mornings are definitely the worst.

-

He stops in the middle of paperwork to jerk off for the second time that morning when he can't stop thinking about the way Jace moaned and shivered against him, baring his throat for more, cock hard and hot under Alec’s hand and thrusting eagerly. 

In his head Jace bites at his neck, whispers “ _Fuck_ ,” and “ _Need you_ ,” and Alec's name. The way he rasped it this morning, not alarmed, but heated and wanting.

But it’s fine.

Alec gets through his meetings and hands out the new rosters and reviews and signs paperwork and, ok, drops his tablet and stylus and makes a mess of his desk when Jace comes into his office and the sound of the opening door makes him realize that he’d had his lips wrapped around his stylus and was sucking on it.

He clears his throat and shifts in his seat, looking up at Jace with the most innocuous look he can manage.

Jace shakes his head at him, smirking at the table instead of at Alec’s face, "You can go see him you know, it's fine, I'll be ok for a while."

"We've lasted a total of five and a half hours apart at a time so far," Alec blinks at him.

"I mean, do you need more than that to--" Jace coughs, cheeks darkening.

Alec finds himself slightly hysterical that he’s made _Jace Wayland_ blush.

Alec throws a pen at him. "Ok first, I think we’ve broken up.”

Jace catches it effortlessly and frowns, “What do you mean you _think_?”

“He said what we had was important but it was only two months.”

“Shit, Alec, you should’ve told me,” Jace’s face breaks, “I’ll talk to him. I’ll send a fire message right now—no, I’ll go in person—”

“I’m _fine_ , Jace.” Alec’s jaw tightens.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that, how could anyone leave you? This is just because of me, I can fix it," Jace runs his hands in his hair, gripping.

“Would you stop!” Alec’s surprised by his own shout. Looks apologetically up at Jace, “It’s not you, alright?”

“What else would it be?”

“It just isn’t. Leave it, Jace. This is not a battle and you don’t need to help me fight it.”

He doesn’t need a rune sharing emotions to see the way Jace’s mouth curves with hurt, eyes unfocused and looking past Alec’s shoulder.

Alec’s out of his seat in an instant, coming to stand in front of him and put hands on Jace’s arms, “I could have argued with him if I really wanted to. He knew that.”

“Why didn’t you?” Jace finally meets his eyes, searching.

“I honestly haven’t thought about it at all, I’ve been that busy.” Alec shrugs, a twinge in his chest at how stupid his heart is, not falling for who it should, “What does that say about me?”

“That maybe he wasn’t the one for you,” Jace reaches up to hold his cheek, “But someone will be, ok? Relationships take effort but they’re also about what feels right, not following ordered steps and rushing into them.”

“What do you know about relationships?” Alec can’t help teasing him, smiling.

“I know that I’d never leave your side.” Jace grins back, reaching up to brush at the hair curling at Alec’s forehead, “I know that you’d never be too busy to think of someone if it was meant to be.”

Alec hums agreeably, pulling him in for a hug and squeezing him tight, sinking into the way Jace squeezes him back, one hand up in his hair and the other on the small of his back, holding him safe, loved. _I’d never be too busy to think of you._

-

It’s the second week of August when summer rain season becomes thunderstorm season and demonic activity seems to rise relentlessly.

Maybe that’s why Alec doesn’t notice right away it’s been almost a whole month since Jace turned and how close they are to his first full moon.

Not until he wakes up with Jace on top of him, mouthing at his neck, eyes open but glazed with sleep and flickering between blue and gold, at first like it's just his two-tone left eye, but it spreads until the flicker is all over the iris in both of his eyes, thigh between Alec’s legs grinding down, nails digging into Alec’s shoulders and back, a low continuous growl in his throat.

Alec swallows a groan and does the only thing he can do—pulls out the wolfsbane Jace insists they keep in a container in the bedside drawer and uses it to knock Jace out.

He looks down at Jace for a long moment, trying to catch his breath and will down his erection, shoving his face into a pillow and groaning because this is his life now. Keeping Jace from doing to him all the things Alec’s wanted him to do for as long as he’s known what those things are.

He texts Luke. “ _I think the moon is starting to affect Jace.”_

_“What’s he doing?”_

_Trying to ruin the last remaining shreds of my willpower,_ he thinks, rubbing a hand over his face.

He types and deletes and retypes for several minutes before settling on, “ _Being kind of aggressive in his sleep._ ”

_“That’s typical. Are you able to control him?”_

_“I knocked him out with wolfsbane just now.”_

_“Good thinking. Tell him he should be fine as long as he’s awake. He knows to come to me tonight._ ”

“Alec?” Jace says, groggy and plaintive from the bed, “Why do I feel like I was unconscious?”

“You kind of got. Um. Aggressive. In your sleep.”

Jace shoots up to sitting immediately, horror crossing his face as he tries to look Alec over, “Did I hurt you?”

“Uh no. Aggressive. Um.” Alec’s cheeks heat up. “Aggressive like you—”

Jace is staring at his neck where Alec can feel it sting. “Aggressive like I gave you a hickey.” Jace says with cold dread. “While we were asleep.”

“Jace, hey, no,” Alec reaches for him, hating it when Jace pulls away, “It’s fine, I don’t mi—” clears his throat, “it’s fine.”

“It is _not_. I could infect you. I don’t know how this works, I’m not even a normal werewolf Luke can train. Who knows what could happen if I—if I bit you.”

Alec swallows, trying to think of anything but Jace’s mouth on his throat and how painfully hard it made him. “But you didn’t. I knocked you out with wolfsbane.”

“Thank the Angel for that,” Jace rubs at his face. “I have to go to Luke. He’s already offered the boathouse and I set it up with chains last week. I just didn’t expect it to happen this early in the day, the full moon isn’t until tonight.”

“Yeah, Luke said you’d be fine as long as you’re awake, so you should be fine until moonrise.”

Jace nods shortly and leaves for the shower before Alec can say anything else.

-

“So _you’re_ Alec Lightwood,” the envoy from Lisbon looks him over critically, tilting her head, “The man who took _Jace Wayland_ off the market after years of him dating only women.”

Alec feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, shivering at the feel of eyes on him.

“That’s Herondale,” Jace appears at his side, “Herondale-Lightwood, to be exact,” his smile sharp and dangerous.

He pulls Alec down with a hand on the back of his neck, but instead of kissing his cheek like usual, he turns Alec to face him, fitting his mouth over Alec’s and proceeding to kiss him so thoroughly, Alec’s not sure how he’s still standing when Jace pulls back, head tilting to chase after him for more before he remembers where they are.

Jace smiles at the envoy again, showing all his teeth. That mixture of gorgeous and threatening that only Jace can pull off. “I’m afraid my husband needs to come with me for a moment.”

“Yes,” Alec manages, clearing his throat, “You’ll have to excuse us. We’ll see you at the briefing.”

Jace practically drags Alec off and the way everyone looks after them, Alec knows they’re convinced it’s to continue the shameless make out session Jace just started.

"You enjoy that way too much."

"Like you don't love rubbing it in their homophobic faces," Jace grins unrepentantly up at him, eyes bright with laughter.

“So did you pull me away for an actual reason or just to flex?” Alec tries not to smile back and fails.

“First of all, I _rescued_ you.”

“Jace, that was the _Head_ of the Lisbon Institute. We need that woman to _like_ us and help us convince everyone that you’re to remain part of the Institute and _not_ as a science experiment, and maybe even be allowed to visit Alicante again someday.”

“Right.” Jace shrugs, clearly thinking this an unlikely possibility. “We’ll see how that goes. But I did take you away for a reason. I wanted to tell you that I'm heading out for the night."

“Ok,” Alec nods, “That’s earlier than I expected, but I can table my schedule for the rest of the afternoon. Give me a few minutes to set it up and we’ll head out.”

“Alec, you’re not coming with me.”

“Of course I am,” Alec frowns.

"Absolutely not! This is my first turn, I have no idea what's going to happen, I can't put you at risk like that. Luke, Maia, and Jordan will all be there. I’m in good hands."

"I think Jordan's done enough," Alec narrows his eyes, but changes tactics when Jace looks like he's going to defend Jordan, "And if they're all there, then we'll outnumber you so that'll ensure my safety."

Jace opens his mouth like he’s going to protest and Alec puts a finger over his mouth. "Whither thou goest," Alec strokes his thumb over Jace's wrist with his other hand, satisfied when Jace’s eyes flutter half closed.

His parabatai has been on edge all day, nothing as extreme as when he was asleep, but all his senses seem to be hypersensitive, hyperreactive, making him shiver and arch into the slightest touch. If Alec needs to take advantage of his heightened senses and impaired decision making to keep him from trying to go through his first turn alone, then it doesn’t count as taking advantage. Probably.

The point is, it’s already all Alec can do not to kiss Jace senseless when he’s been touching Alec all day and kissing him like he just did, like he’s marking his territory. And Angel, that incident in the morning—he can’t say no to Jace on a good day, and a Jace kissing his neck and pinning him down to grind against him? If Jace hadn’t been clearly asleep and actually wanted Alec like that, Alec would have been too far gone to stop him.

Alec shakes his head and squares his shoulders.

-

"Just remember that it's ok to tase me.”

"Oh don't worry," Maia holds up the taser, "I'm ready."

"Clary, Isabelle, and I will be inside the Jade Wolf if you need us." Luke says.

"I'll stay here," Jordan nods.

"And me," Maia rolls her eyes, "Since we've already seen you naked."

Alec frowns at her, noticing Jace flush. "Him, too?" Alec nods towards Simon.

"N-oo--"

"Never." Jace and Simon chorus at once.

"I don’t even like guys, but really it's just a matter of time with his track record," Simon rambles, "But thankfully not yet." 

“Thankfully?” Jace makes a face at Simon, "As if you would be so lucky."

"You said my face was pretty once, so I'm going to choose to hold on to that," Simon lifts his chin. "Anyway, I'm here because Maia's here. Also I'm fast and I can't get bitten? And Clary asked me?" Simon states everything like a question.

Alec rubs at his temples.

"Fine, the extra hands can't hurt." Jace rolls his eyes.

"You're so full of yourself, you really think it's going to take four of us to bring you down?" Alec teases, but he's holding Jace's hand and unconsciously playing with his wedding ring, so his words have no bite to them.

"Oh you're going inside with the girls and Luke." Jace looks only at him like there’s no one else, "I hear the turn is all about strong feelings, so if I'm going to try to bite anyone, it'll be you."

"The vampire will get me out of here if it comes to that. Since he's fast and all.” Alec tells him, voice going soft, “I'm not going anywhere."

-

They’re in the middle of Maia winning a week’s worth of dish duty from all of them in poker when patches of fur start appearing on Jace’s skin.

His eyes glow blue, then gold, and then the glow disappears altogether. Jace is sweating, the scar on his chest throbbing like it never healed.

"Hurts," he whispers roughly, and Alec is beside him immediately.

"I'm here, Jace," he catches Jace when he starts to fall back.

“C-clothes,” Jace says, tugging at his shirt, and Alec looks uncomprehendingly at him until Maia comes over to pull at his shirt.

Alec takes over, just this side of slapping away her hands as he helps Jace out of his shirt, then fumbles at the zipper to his jeans.

Jace convulses, wolf shoulders appearing, but disappearing again. The star-shaped birthmark on the back of Jace's shoulder glows, burning into Alec’s chest below his collarbone where he’s pressed to Jace’s back. It feels exactly like a stele drawing a rune.

Jace arches back once, turning wolf all the way, and a bright light spreads as Jace collapses again. Everything is bathed in a golden light, illuminating every detail of Jace’s body, pant legs mostly ripped open, but no more fur. No wolf.

"Why is _Alec_ glowing?"

Alec looks down to realize that he's the source of the light, all the runes on his body glowing like they’ve been activated, including the runes on their wedding rings. And there's a new mark on his chest where Jace's birthmark felt like it burned into him.

"It's the mark of Ithuriel, Imogen told me about it." Jace says hoarsely. "It's over," Jace sounds exhausted.

Jordan hands them a blanket and Maia ushers him and Simon out. "We'll go get Luke and the others."

Jace can’t seem to sit up so Alec holds him. “That wasn’t so bad, right? You didn’t attack anyone even once,” he’s saying when Jace goes heavy and silent in his arms.

“Jace? Jace!” Alec looks up with wide-eyed panic at Luke and everyone else as they come back in, “What’s happening to him? He was fine, he talked, and now he’s not. Now he’s--” Alec is frantic.

"Well, he's breathing," Luke pronounces, "Lycanthropy is essentially a demonic infection. It's strong enough to overpower adult mundanes and shadowhunters, but children in utero, for example, are able to fight it off due to protective barriers between mother and child which gives them less exposure. That’s how werewolves can have mundane or shadowhunter offspring. For shadowhunters, our angel blood always prevails, and that’s why werewolves who were shadowhunters _always_ have shadowhunter children.”

“And Jace and I have more angel blood than normal,” Clary says.

“It's possible that Ithuriel's blood is attempting to eradicate the infection completely instead of just stopping him from turning, which is taking a toll on his body.” Luke frowns, “For me, being a shadowhunter made my first full moon turn incredibly painful and drawn out compared to mundanes. For Jace it might be a lot worse."

“What can I do?” Alec looks at him desperately.

"Well in my case, Jocelyn grounded me by--" clears his throat, "Well, she was the love of my life."

 _And Jace is mine, whether he feels the same or not,_ Alec looks down at his parabatai.

Clary speaks up, "Jace and I--our powers are triggered by emotions. When we feel something strongly--" Clary looks to Luke for approval "Maybe if he feels something…a strong connection to ground him…” She trails off.

Alec looks at Clary, who shakes her head and backs up.

His eyes flicker over to Jordan who shrugs self-deprecatingly "It really was just that one night, man."

Simon holds his hand up, shrugging, "I mean, I'll kiss him if you want, we do have a special --uhm. Connection. Whatever, I'm secure in my--" blurs over to stand next to Jace even as he speaks, pecking him quickly on the mouth before speeding away, looking apologetically at Alec.

“Yeah, I only hit it once, it wasn’t that deep,” Maia rolls her eyes at all of them.

Alec turns at last to meet Izzy’s eyes, that are looking at him knowing and expectant.

He clears his throat, rubbing a hand over his face while his sister, ever perceptive, ushers everyone out, murmuring something about grabbing a bite to eat.

-

Jace is lying across his lap, head lolled back on Alec’s arm. Alec cups his cheek and kisses his forehead like that might grant him permission. They’ve kissed before, but Jace was awake each time. Able to decide if he wants to. But then, he’s definitely decided he _wants to_ before. This morning even, kissing Alec like that in front of the Head of the Lisbon Institute.

Alec swallows and brushes his fingers over Jace's mouth, inhaling shaky but deep, and takes the plunge.

He kisses Jace quickly, pulling back, then trying it again, open mouthed pressing this time, in case it needs to be longer. More.

Jace stirs.

Alec falls back in shock—somehow, he hadn’t expected it to work—then kisses Jace again and again, not sure how to do this without being able to shove healing energy at their bond, running palms wide all over his bare skin, cupping his hand over Jace’s hip over where their rune should be.

 _Come back to me, parabatai_.

Jace is kissing him back, pressing up towards Alec and pulling him down by the shoulder, moaning deep in his throat. The sound makes Alec crazy after having been on edge all day, with the surge of relief that Jace is alright, alive and arching up in his arms—so alive, skin hot and addicting under Alec’s hands—Alec hauls him up to kiss him deeper, nip at his lips, bite, suck them into his mouth one at a time—

"Alec?" Jace’s voice is sleep-rough and impossibly low, cheeks flushed, "Did I," clears his throat, "What are you—um."

"You needed grounding."

"Uh." Jace looks dazed, licking at his lips as he looks at Alec’s.

"From your strongest connection."

"Right." Jace blinks.

"That's me," Alec leans in again.

"Ok," Jace's eyelashes flutter down, moaning dreamily as he opens up for Alec.

It’s alarming how much Alec’s learned about how Jace kisses and what he likes from a handful of times. He sweeps into Jace’s mouth deep and deliberate, pulls back a little to nip at him some more until the sounds Jace is making deepen into a groan.

"Ok, yeah. I'm grounded," Jace scrambles back suddenly, finally clear and awake and breathing heavily, "I feel fine. Look, the sun is rising. Danger over." He stumbles to his feet and catches the extra backup clothes Alec throws at him, looking anywhere else but up at Alec.

-

"Alec?" Jace says quietly, curled up facing away from him on the bed.

Alec looks at him then, open and awash with whatever angelic power flowed between them the last few hours, and moves to fit his body around Jace’s. "What is it?”

“Do you miss him?”

Alec frowns and almost asks _who_ before he realizes. _Magnus_. “I haven’t had a chance to think about it.” He smiles to lighten the mood, knowing Jace will hear it in his voice even if he doesn’t see it. “Kind of have my hands full,” He tightens his arms around Jace.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.” Alec presses his cheek into Jace’s temple, “I’m not capable of thinking about anything else right now.”

“That’s not fair to you.” Jace doesn’t let up, “You should talk to him.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Alec slides his hands over Jace’s, “What if he’s not the one?”

“Someone else, then.”

“What is it you said once?” Alec noses at his neck where he knows Jace is ticklish, “Little less worrying about my love life, and a little more about your fighting skills.”

“My fighting skills are fine, thanks.”

“They are.” Alec hums agreeably, “You might not have runes, but you now have werewolf healing, strength, speed, hearing—all of it. Once we get things figured out, you’ll be able to go back to doing most of what you used to.”

“We can hope.” Jace sounds more sarcastic than anything else. He hadn’t been able to use a stele again, although he tried to, after the runes on their rings activating at their wedding.

“So what you’re really thinking about, is us.”

Jace stiffens in his arms but says nothing.

“You feel guilty that I’m so focused on you. That I’m not dating anyone. Scared that when things settle down, our new normal will be being apart.”

“You’re an extremely irritating know it all.”

“So one,” Alec taps a fingers on Jace’s forearm, “I’ll always be focused on you more than anything else. I always have been. We’re focused on each other.” Alec taps a second finger, “And two, we are excellent at our jobs. I haven’t dropped any of my responsibilities as Head of the Institute, and you’ve been patrolling with and without me just as much, if not more than before. Parabatai fight better together and that’s true even without our rune. We can still read each other, we still act as one in battle. We’re still the best team.”

“Is there a three?”

“And three,” Alec taps another finger on his arm, “I will date again when I’m ready, and it will have no more bearing on you and me than me dating Magnus did. Because our new normal will be just like our old normal.”

He means it. He wants to mean it. He’ll make sure that things turn out as if he means it. But the reality is that nothing will ever be the same again now that he knows how Jace kisses. Knows how to kiss Jace. Knows what it’s like to fall asleep and wake up in each other’s arms, what Jace looks like when he’s dark and possessive even if it’s wolf instincts. He’ll remember all of it and he’ll never be the same. But Jace doesn’t need to know about that any more than he had to about Alec’s stupid feelings before all this.

“You have it all figured out, huh?” Jace finally relaxes in his arms and presses back.

“I do.” Alec kisses his temple.

-

Three.

He and Jace have kissed three times. Five if he counts the two on their wedding day. But the more real ones, the ones with mouths open and tongues and Jace making sounds that drive him crazy, body moving into Alec’s—

Alec snaps the pen in his hand in half.

But the thing isn’t the kisses.

Ok, the kisses are overwhelming and Alec can’t think directly about them without getting completely derailed, but.

But it’s the other things.

Jace touching him. Him touching Jace. In bed. Mouths on skin. Hands—Jace’s ridiculous hands and now wearing a wedding ring—that time Alec’s hands had been outlining and grinding into Jace’s—

Which.

Alec swallows.

The thing is that the moon is still waning or something.

And Jace is everywhere and all over him.

It has been an absurdly long few days, and if Jace tugs him by the shirtfront towards a private corner to talk or wraps his ringed hand on the back of Alec’s neck to pull him down for a showy kiss one more fucking time—

It’s no use sparring to get the energy out. Jace has suddenly recovered his habit of taking off his shirt anywhere instead of just in their bedroom to sleep. He must be over being self conscious that others would see the lack of runes—more likely just feeling belligerent about the inevitable attention he’ll draw from other shadowhunters—looks ranging from pitying to horrified—just for existing and training as he’s always done.

And so Alec goes to him anyway. Stands by him and spars with him knowing it’ll just drive him more insane. The hands lingering on Alec's bare skin when he pins Alec—and he pins Alec every fucking time.

And this thing at dinner—licking sauce from the corner of his mouth and fingers, looking brazenly at _Alec’s_ mouth, right there in the dining hall—lips brushing on Alec's ear when he murmurs “I’m going to bed, see you soon?” as he walks past while Alec is still staring at his plate trying to remember what he’s doing.

Alec waits long enough to know Jace is asleep because he’s not stupid, but then he ends up still being asleep in the morning when Jace is snuggling up to him when they're both half asleep and there's plausible deniability, kissing his bare shoulder, no excuses or wolf trance this time, just this side of something innocent they’d have done as parabatai—

The thing is that Alec’s holding on to sanity by a thread.


	6. Chapter 6

The moon is waning, but close to full still and the wolf in Jace wants to mark, claim, _play._ Cover Alec in want and affection and belonging. And it feels so right, like a perfect extension of their bond before. Except for the want.

He’s never been allowed to show the _want_. The craving. Not just for touch, nothing so innocent, nothing that can be passed off as platonic even in the blurred territory of intimacy allowed for parabatai, even for parabatai whose bond has been brutally torn apart.

In the past week he has:

Devoured Alec’s mouth in front of a visiting dignitary in the most immature display of possessiveness.

Failed not to stare at his lips—too fucking lush and biteable, chipping away at the concentration he’d maintained their whole lives before. Before this werewolf-during-full-moon thing. And now it’s all Jace can do not to climb over the table—for the better part of dinner.

Brushed his lips on Alec’s ear when speaking to him, and.

And at one extremely low point, letting Alec’s staff make contact with his knuckles when he could have easily avoided it, knowing Alec would run to him immediately, basking shamelessly in Alec’s concerned attention, in the soft touch when he examined Jace’s hand and led him to the infirmary to take care of it himself.

“It’ll heal, Alec,” Jace had tried at last, recovering from the heady feeling enough to speak and put a stop to being this desperate for his attention. His touch. His pursed and delicious mouth so close Jace could feel its pull like gravity, inevitable, inexorable. _Denied to him._

Alec had sat close, always so close now after their bond was broken, hands deft and gentle on Jace’s skin, love and reassurance in every movement. His wedding ring flashing in the light.

That, their rings, more than anything, haven’t stopped jolting at Jace’s insides every time he sees them. Feels them. Has only gotten worse.

“Will I live?” Jace had spoken low and thick and had to clear his throat.

Alec shook his head at him, cheekbones coloring. “As long as you rest the hand until it heals.”

So the worst thing about being a werewolf has been this.

A constant struggle not to drag Alec off to a dark corner, to their room, to their _bed_ , by a grip on his jacket. Play with him. Touch him. Push him down and climb on top of him—

Jace tugs at his collar, hurrying up to the roof to get some air.

-

The quiet night air and view of the city doesn’t calm him like it used to. He's never been the pacing kind but he paces the halls now, until he finds himself in the armory, standing before Izzy.

"How long does this have to go on?”

“As long as we need to, to establish your and Jordan’s safety?” Izzy doesn’t pretend to not know what he’s asking. “Why, did something happen? You came through your first full moon without hurting yourself or anyone else.”

“It’s not that,” Jace paces more, running a hand through his hair, “It's bad enough he has to protect me by marrying me, he shouldn't have to kiss me too.”

“I see,” Isabelle picks up the dagger she had placed on the table when Jace came in again, going back to polishing it as she leans back in her seat.

“I’m serious, Iz! We need to end this marriage thing as soon as possible.” _Before I jump him and ruin everything._ “Alec deserves to go back to his life.”

"You realize it only works because he wants to do this?" Izzy shrugs up one shoulder, watching him with interest.

"Yeah, well maybe he'd be better off if he didn't."

"That's not a decision you get to make for him, Jace."

"He had a good thing going with Magnus," Jace points his finger at her, “But now they’ve broken up. Did you know that?”

Izzy sighs, "Ok, I've stayed out of this out of love and respect, knowing that your parabatai bond was more important, but frankly, at this point, that's no longer an issue, and you've had well over a decade to 'grow out of' your feelings, and I've grown up enough myself to realize what's really important in life.”

Jace freezes, watching her, nervousness taking over his face. Doesn’t refute it.

"You said a while ago that you couldn't deny your feelings for Clary. I thought that showed growth."

"Clary doesn't have a career! She doesn't have a name to live up to and an Institute to inherit and she grew up a mundane, she doesn't care about rank and status in our world!"

"And Alec passed up a position in Idris to stay here and be able to see Magnus!” Izzy throws her hands up, “And before you say that that's only because it was Magnus, remember that he came out in front of the whole world instead of marrying Lydia, and it wasn't because he was in love, it was because he was finally standing up for himself! Give him some credit, Jace. He's learning. We all are!"

"I don't know if I'm good for him like this, Iz, even if I ever was before." Jace admits, quiet again, an aching twist coiling tighter in his chest. "I don't know what I am now."

"You're Jace. You're nephilim. We protect mundanes from the demon world. Luke--"

"Had Jocelyn with him when he was turned. I can't--I don't belong here anymore, Iz—" he waves a hand at the Institute around them, "They let me waltz in and out of here because of Alec, but it's not my place anymore. I can't use runes, I don't eat in the mess hall unless it’s with one of you. I only really stay here at night," his cheeks heat up, "to sleep." 

"With Alec." She draws out the words like she’s teasing, "So you need your own place. You don't think Alec would move with you?"

Jace looks at her like this had never occurred to him, "Can he do that?"

"He—" Isabelle pauses, "He's thought about it. He would still have to be here most of the time, especially during the day, but he can sleep anywhere."

"I can't ask Alec to do that for me on top of everything else."

-

"Maybe you should let Alec make his _own_ decisions instead of trying to protect him from yourself all the time." Alec’s voice comes from the doorway.

Jace jumps, wondering how much he heard.

“What is it that you can’t ask _Alec_ to do?” he looks at Jace, hard and angry.

"Nothing, it’s nothing," Jace sighs with relief—he hadn’t heard much, then—and runs after his parabatai who turned right back around to leave when he realized Jace wouldn’t tell him. "Alec wait!"

He catches up when they reach their room, and Alec turns, looking at him and waiting. "Ask me. Whatever it is."

Jace shrugs one shoulder up helplessly. _No, if I tell you, you’ll feel obligated to do it. Put aside everything you’ve worked so hard for. A normal future. So no, never._

“I see.” Alec says with the same Lightwood inflection Izzy had earlier, and closes the door in his face.

Jace drops his forehead against the door, knows Alec is doing the same on the other side, even if he can’t hear him.

They’ve never been good at fighting each other.

But this is one thing Jace can’t compromise on, for both their sakes. Alec deserves a life without him, to pursue his dreams and be with someone who doesn’t put him at risk just by being physically close, let alone—Jace bites his lips, body sparking with hopeless want—anything more.

Sometimes he thinks Alec might want it too, but then he says things like _I will date again when I’m ready,_ and _it will have no more bearing on you and me than me dating Magnus did_ , and pulls away in the morning and leaves the bed to go shower as soon as he wakes up.

While Jace lies there aching, failing to not imagine joining him, tasting the path of hot water running down his skin, watching Alec’s ridiculously dreamy lashes dewed and hair curling in the steam, raking his nails through the hair on his chest, wondering if his nipples are sensitive, trailing his hands down lower. Jace almost always ends up coming in his hands, face shoved into the smell of Alec in their pillows and covers, cheeks burning as he hurries to clean up before Alec comes out and it’s his turn to shower.


	7. Chapter 7

It’s been almost a week of sleeping a few hours and nearly continuously using his stamina rune to keep up with his workload. He’s been staying up late so Jace is asleep by the time he gets to bed and getting up to leave early before Jace wakes up.

Jace can go completely without sleep and just use runes for weeks, but that’s Jace. Trained—abused—by Valentine into becoming as close to invincible as a living being can get. Most shadowhunters can manage up to a week with some actual sleep and Alec’s starting to push that limit.

He’s been reading and rereading the same report for what feels like hours, the letters swimming, eyes closing as he rests his cheek in one hand.

It kills him every time to pull himself out of bed because he somehow still wakes up with Jace in his arms, or on top of him, or spooning up behind him.

But he needs to get his head back out of the clouds and back to the reality where he’d maintained the line between them perfectly well for years.

Jace wants to ask him for something but thinks he can’t. He has to know Alec would do anything. Always has. So what does he think Alec wouldn’t give him? The thing, the probably irrational thought, but one he’s so fucking vulnerable to, that he keeps circling back no matter how busy he keeps himself, is the one constant he’s had his whole adolescence: _Jace doesn’t want him._

And once the thought is back in his head, regardless of whether it connects or makes sense with what he overheard, this, this unnameable whatever they’ve been doing, that he’s been slipping helplessly, dangerously deeper into, shatters.

Their month of sleeping in the same bed, the touching—the melting warmth and irrepressible, undeniable _longing_ that’s come back full force for Alec—means none of the same things to Jace. It never has. He’s never even known it exists.

So Alec should stop.

Sleep somewhere else. Keep his distance. Stop hiding behind the excuse of having to keep up appearances just so he can keep touching Jace. He’s always been good at doing what he should.

Except when it comes to Jace.

When it comes to Jace, it all unravels, and he’s yelling at cadets and breaking training equipment and angrily refusing to jerk off by taking cold showers no matter how perfect Jace looks spread out in their bed.

 _Their_ fucking bed.

Because they’re married. The ring on his finger as gold as his hair in the sun as Alec stares and breaks apart quietly, holding himself back from reaching out.

Alec’s _married_ to the love of his life and can’t touch him.

Can’t show how badly all he wants is for it to be real. For Jace to kiss him like he does without it being a pretense. How he wants to push Jace into walls and desks and their fucking bed and actually kiss him when they leave together in front of other people who assume they’re going off to do just that.

He wants to get on his knees and see how Jace looks when Alec looks up at him with his mouth open and hungry. He wants this crazy torture to never end even though it hurts and he can’t stand it.—

_Jace comes in, hair tousled and shirt conveniently off, sitting on his desk with legs apart as he gives a report and grins up at him, that bright, uninhibited grin he has for no one else, and Alec falls into it. Kisses along the speed rune at his neck as Jace’s hands go in Alec’s hair, pulling him closer, moaning, "Fuck,” and “Oh," and it's addictive, making Jace Wayland react like this, making him make these sounds, eyes wild and fevered and Alec gets a little carried away, books and papers clattering off the desk as he pushes Jace down and his legs apart._

_“Alec, the door,” Jace husks, eyes half closed as he looks up at Alec._

_Alec tears himself away and locks the door, turning back to see Jace watching him._

_"Stay there," Jace says softly, "Pull down your zipper, leave the pants on," bites his lips when Alec does exactly as he says, walking back from the door. "Come here," Jace pulls him down with a hand on the back of his neck, kissing and biting and pulling at his shoulders until Alec is on his knees, looking up at him, pushing his face into the bulge of his erection as Jace unbuckles his belt and thigh holsters and unbuttons his fatigues enough for Alec to nuzzle directly at his cock. Alec puts his tongue out to lick, holding his eyes, and Jace swallows, mouth open wide._

_"Touch yourself," Jace says, voice still soft, honeyed and thick, watching Alec's hand reach down to work on his own cock, making himself moan as he mouths at Jace._

_Jace bites his lip, holding Alec’s face, fucking his mouth the slightest bit until Alec sucks desperately, chasing his own orgasm without finesse until Jace slumps back into the desk behind him._

_Alec looks at the mess on the floor, and accusingly up at Jace._

_Jace laughs, unrepentant "Worth it."_

_Alec raises up enough to kiss at his parabatai rune, lick his way up, hold Jace’s face and kiss and kiss and kiss_ \--

"You need to eat." Jace puts down a box in front of him and holds out a soft pretzel. Alec’s favorite, of course, and he knows it.

Alec licks his lips and holds his eyes, biting into the pretzel without taking it from his hand and pulling Jace in by the wrist as he takes more and finishes it off, licking at the grains of salt on Jace’s fingers.

"Alec, what are you doing," Jace’s voice is shaky and tense, half sitting on the arm of Alec’s chair.

“Living the dream,” Alec shakes his head at him teasingly, kissing his neck and keeping a hand on his back. "Kissing my husband _thank you_ for bringing me lunch."

"Alec," Jace says thickly, searching his face, “Are you,” clears his throat and looks at the open door to the office, “Right, yeah. Um.” Clears his throat again. “Maybe we don’t have to, right now?"

"Why not?" Alec husks at his ear, nibbling and making Jace writhe against him breathlessly, "We're married."

“Alec, I,” Jace pushes at his chest, “You’re too good at this,” he mutters, avoiding Alec’s eyes, “I’m not--I could lose control and hurt you. Turn you.”

Alec opens his mouth to protest but Jace shakes his head, “You know I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to you. You’re going to be Inquisitor someday. I can’t risk messing that up for you.”

 _“I don’t care. I love you._ ” Alec kisses his hand, not letting go.

“O-ok, that’s enough, Alec.” Jace jumps off the desk, stumbling back, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, you haven’t been sleeping much, maybe you’re—” he runs a hand through his hair, “Anyway, I’m gonna go. Eat, okay? There’s a sandwich in there.” He waves at the box he put on Alec’s desk, “And get some—get some sleep.” Jace swallows, practically running away. “I’ll sleep at the Jade Wolf tonight.”

Alec shakes his head to clear the fog and when he realizes that the Jace who just left after feeding him a pretzel didn’t have runes, but the one Alec had been—his ears burn as he remembers being on his knees so clearly it felt just as real, except _that_ Jace had runes and hadn’t jumped away when Alec had been all over him. _Fuck_.


	8. Chapter 8

_“I don’t care. I love you._ ”

He can’t get the words out of his head. The feel of Alec kissing his hand. Tugging to get him closer.

Alec licking his fingers. Kissing his _neck._

Jace ran all the way to the Jade Wolf, directly to the dock in the back. He hides between some boats near the water, falling back until he’s lying down staring straight up at the sky.

_“I don’t care. I love you._ ”

If Alec is trying to make him crazy, it’s working.

Why would he say that? He’s not the one with werewolf instincts on overdrive, and he and Jace technically no longer have an angelic bond that could transfer what Jace is feeling. What’s making _Alec_ like this? Sleep deprivation explains irritability. Maybe even hallucinations. But why would that be his reaction to hallucinating? There _had_ been some connection the night of the full moon. Alec had glowed and brought Jace back. So maybe there was something transferring Jace’s emotions onto him even without their rune.

_"I don’t care. I love you._ ”

Jace groans, rubbing at his face, ending up just rubbing his wedding ring on his skin.

_"Why not? We’re married.”_

_Dammit Alec._ Jace bites his lip, trying to control the waves of heat melting his spine at the very memory of Alec’s deep, rasping voice as he _nibbled_ at Jace’s _ear._ Fuck.

He needs to end this whole charade before he loses his mind.

Even if Alec is somehow—even if Alec feels. Jace swallows, whispering it even in his thoughts, _Even if Alec feels something_ , and Jace knows that he might have, back before he met Magnus, a little, maybe, misguided and not real, even if it was real, even if that’s still there even a little, Jace can’t just do this and walk away from it after.

Just let Alec satisfy his curiosity of what he never got before he found more suitable directions for his attention.

And the whole fear of turning him into a werewolf thing. Yeah that’s the priority, but of course his brain had focused on the part where he couldn’t walk away from Alec after he’d had a taste of him.

It’s hard enough pulling away already even knowing it’s not real.


	9. Chapter 9

“Iz what is it?” Alec hurries from the doorway of the weapons room to Iz’s desk. “Is it—your cravings?”

He’d come in to check on her for exactly that as he does throughout the week—right now Jace is doing a similar thing with their mother, actually, checking on how she’s adjusting to life without runes and keeping guard just in case the magical wards they’ve bought for her aren’t sufficient. They have the routine—switching between their mother and sister to check in since—everything these past two months.

“No, I—” Izzy chews on her lip. Notices the high alert in Alec’s posture and stops to smile reassuringly, “It’s nothing like that big brother. Don’t worry. It’s just—Clary."

He tries not to, but he knows his face clearly reads _what did that little girl do now._

“And Simon,” Isabelle rushes to add. “And, Maia, I guess. It’s a whole thing.”

“Uh.” Alec squints one eye, taking a seat and pulling over an arrow to fletch, settling in for what’s likely to be a long talk.

“So Jordan came back.” She moves on quickly when Alec’s face darkens at the name, “Anyway so Maia is clearly hung up on him, but she won’t, you know, actually—anyway, so poor Simon, is all alone.”

“You and the vampire are… friends?” Alec frowns.

“Yes?” Izzy looks at him, not challenging as usual but almost as if she’s looking for approval. Which is interesting. “You think I shouldn’t be?”

Alec sighs, “I guess it was inevitable, you found him entertaining even when he was a mundane.”

Isabelle rolls her eyes, “Right, yeah, so Simon, obviously, is always going to love Clary.”

Alec works hard to focus. He loves his sister but it’s been a while since she’s put him through one of _these_ conversations. But it probably means something good—that she’s back to a younger, lighter version of herself, after all these—everything the past two months.

“But is he _in_ love with Clary still? I mean I don’t want to hurt him. And Clary’s not in love with him, I don’t think. But she and Jace obviously aren’t a thing anymore, they weren’t even before you guys were—you know.” She pauses, then continues at Alec’s silence. “So it’s just Clary, and she’s confusing.”

“Clary is confusing because she’s not in love with anyone.” Alec says the words slowly, understanding them as individual words but not really in combination.

Isabelle sighs. “Ok, let’s talk about you. What's the update?”

Alec flushes, giving himself away even as he pretends not to know what she’s asking.

“Look, you’re all twisted up over it, and I mean, how can you _not_ be—all that making out. And I mean—oh god. You guys have probably done more haven’t you. All that sleeping together.” She practically bounces, disturbingly excited.

“Iz.” He squints at her warningly.

“Oh come on, I know that face.”

“Really. Is it like how I know _your_ face?” he defends with an offense, “How long have you been avoiding Clary?” he pushes even more with the teasing, “Since she’s so confusing by not being in love with anyone?”

“I think she was going to ask me to be her parabatai,” Izzy blurts out, “And I just.”

 _It reminded you of me,_ Alec doesn’t have to say, the usual sharp pain in his chest at the thought now changed to—well. Changed. He’s not sure what it’s changed to. Or at least, he doesn’t dare be sure.

“Even if I never get to—“ Izzy is still talking, “I'm not going to go around having her—being—I don’t know what I want. I’ve never wanted a parabatai, but if it means being close to her—”

“Don’t do it.” He rasps, clears his voice and says it again stronger, “There’s no good way to go back from it.”

Isabelle comes to lean her head against his shoulder, “I know big brother. I know what this must be doing to you.”

Alec holds her hand and keeps it pressed to his arm but doesn’t speak.

“Look, growing up, we had to follow all the rules. Well you did, and I followed you. Ok mostly. The point is, I supported you becoming Jace’s parabatai at the time because I thought that’s what was more important. Because it could never be the other way. But we’re all grown up now and everything’s changed and you’re _married_ , and the sky didn’t fall down and even our parents aren’t unhappy with you, and you’re holding yourself back still.”

“How—”

“You’ve never given him the option to choose. Back then you resigned yourself to never having this, and now you’re resigning yourself to—well. What are you guys even doing right now?”

“I don’t know.”

“The stuff that I _have_ seen looks way more comfortable than I know you're comfortable with.”

“We've kissed. Three times. And ok, there have been--" Alec groans "he touches my hair. And he brings me breakfast in bed. And he did that before but now he doesn't wear a shirt and climbs back in bed with me and he did that before too, but now we wear rings and the reason he climbs back in is because we sleep in the same bed every night and the pillows smell like him when he leaves.”

“Oh my God,” Izzy's laughing but also maybe _cooing_.

“You think it's romantic.” Alec frowns disapprovingly at her.

Her smile doesn’t dim at all, if possible, just gets brighter, “It is! He's a good husband, you have to admit.”

“Jace does love to be good at things.”

“So ideally what do you want?”

“I don't know. I want him back to normal. But I never want to stop waking up to him. It’s awful. All of it.”

She ignores him, “So you want him to be a shadowhunter again and still be married.”

“I guess? I don’t care what he is, I just want.” _Him._ He adds instead, “I only want him back to normal because I want him to be able to visit Alicante. See his parents’ grave. His family home.”

“Oh,” Izzy’s face softens. “Well that part isn’t impossible. But what about the parabatai part?” She asks, careful and gentle.

Alec lets out all the air in his lungs and slumps, “It's good that he's always physically there because if he wasn't, Iz, I'd die. I feel like I'm walking around with a hole in my body. It's hard to balance.”

“Oh big brother.” She hugs him tight. “He's not going anywhere. Rune or not you're parabatai. He'd never leave you.”

“What about when he finds someone else?”

“You really think he’s thinking about that at all right now?”

“He will eventually.”

“Alec, no guy kisses anyone like that when they're not enjoying it or being paid to pretend to enjoy it.” Her tone lightens up again.

“Where did you grow up like this, this is _not_ how I raised you.”

Isabelle shrugs, “What, it’s the truth. Sometimes people pretend to enjoy things for money. Anyway, so you two—"

“It doesn’t matter anyway, he’s hung up on the risk of infecting me,” He fiddles with the arrowhead in his hand, “So what do I do? Do I let him go--get experience and practice with other people so he can have control?” The very thought makes Alec bend the shaft of the arrow he’d been fletching out of shape.

“Easy.” Izzy calms his hand, “Why not try things where he's not in charge to control it. If you restrain him, he couldn’t bite you even if he lost control and wanted to.”

A sudden stab of heat strikes Alec’s gut and he squirms away from her, face hot.

She laughs, and laughs even more the more he glares at her.

“ _Isabelle_ ,” he says finally, but it’s a lost battle. He’s caught up in the ideas of—Jace, tied to the headboard. Both of his wrists in one of Alec’s hands—Jace on his back looking up at Alec heated—

Alec tugs at his collar. “That’s not really the way to start a relationship.” He says finally.

Isabelle raises an eyebrow.

“Is it?” he practically squeaks and glares as she dissolves completely into laughter, the situation clearly unsalvageable.


	10. Chapter 10

They’ve reached some unspoken truce.

Alec is still avoiding coming to bed until Jace at least pretends to be asleep, but now he doesn’t emanate the silent, accusatory hurt, and Jace starts going to bed earlier instead of trying to stay up late and getting Alec to talk to him.

Jace tries to stay on one side of the bed instead of getting in his space, even though it physically hurts, but some time in the night Alec always ends up pulling him closer and tucking Jace against himself, still asleep. Of course it wakes Jace up every time—he’s too combat trained to not wake up at being touched and moved—heart racing as Alec’s arms tighten around him, legs slotting between his and chest hair rough in Jace’s face.

And that’s how they wake up, tangled together, sweat sticking skin to skin, Alec’s mouth on his cheek, his hair, his neck, making him almost forget everything he can’t do. Almost.

Alec’s also back to sleeping longer after coming in late, and Jace is back to bringing him coffee and baked goods from the dining hall, relieved when a bed-headed, not-yet-verbal Alec accepts the peace offering from behind a pile of pillows and comforter. He hadn’t realized exactly how much he missed the grateful and unguarded way Alec always looks up at him then, eyes lit by the sun and dreamy soft with sleep.

And so he gazes helplessly back, knowing he’ll never risk a hair on his stubborn, devoted, parabatai’s head. Never risk losing control. Even if it means denying them both.

-

Storm season continues into early fall, sudden and fitful and occasionally fleeting, bringing demon surges with them. Jace can feel the shift in barometric pressure and smell of ozone without runes now. But this night’s been quiet, Izzy and Clary left them a while ago to join Maia and Simon on their night out and Jace and Alec are just about ready to call it a night from patrolling.

Lightning, then the clap of thunder comes so close to them, the hair on their bodies stand up all at once.

Alec runs slower for Jace who isn’t going to admit that he’s a little more tired than he would be with a stamina rune, and of course that’s when demons finally do show up.

The fight is bloody, but manageable.

Or it would be if Jace had an iratze to get back up to full strength in the middle of battle.

When a stray claw gets through to slash down his hip, cutting deep enough to show bone, Jace stumbles instead of being able to rune it away quickly while holding his ground.

Alec switches to stabbing with his arrows at this close a range, and gets caught in the back by another one, claw piercing through his shoulder out to his chest even as Jace finishes it off.

Jace screams.

The world slows down as he watches Alec fall, catches him, and sinks to the ground holding him as he hurls knife after knife and Alec’s arrows one by one with suddenly sharpened accuracy until every last demon is dusted around them. 

"Alec, no don't pass out, I can't heal you," Jace scrabbles in Alec’s right pocket for his stele, putting it into Alec's hand and holding it over the most recent iratze, but Alec's eyes are already closed, and he’s unresponsive.

Jace shakes, choking on the rain and his own tears, raising his face desperately at the sky— _Angel, Raziel, anyone, please,_ he begs, _please, not him._

His eyes burn and a surge of _something_ pours out of him, and he pushes it more, just in case, _just in case_ it’s something helpful and—

the iratze rune on Alec's flank glows.

Jace sags with relief, cradling Alec’s face and leaning over him to protect him from the rain.

When Alec opens his eyes, they’re glowing.

"Jace," Alec reaches up to cup his cheek, "Your eyes. Did you—you can heal me?"

Jace wipes at his eyes, nodding, "I don't know if it would've worked if you didn't already have a recent iratze on you for me to activate, but it worked." He strokes Alec’s hair out of his face, hands still shaking as he helps Alec up, starting the walk back home.

-

"Jace your leg," under the awning of the Institute’s entrance lights, Alec freezes. Now that there's no rain to wash the blood away, it's staining the cement below them, marking a wide trail showing Jace’s path up the steps. 

"It's healing," Jace looks down and shrugs, and it _is_ closing, but the cut runs from his flank to his knee and there's blood welling out at an alarming rate.

"We should clean it and bind it," Alec pulls him in the direction of the infirmary, picking up supplies on the way back to their room. “Werewolf healing is fast, but not fast enough to keep up with that kind of blood loss.” He says, pushing Jace to sit on their bed.

Jace nods wordlessly, peeling down at the cut up jeans sticking to his skin with drying blood. Shadowhunters don't usually stay this injured this long, there’s not really anything to numb the pain. He swallows it down instinctively, Valentine’s training kicking in. He forgets it entirely when Alec comes over to kneel on the floor between his knees, taking the slices of jeans the rest of the way off, fingers curling around his ankle to push his boots off one at a time. His thumb stays on Jace’s instep after, sliding up to his calves as he looks carefully for any cuts and broken skin to clean.

Jace pulls the comforter over his lap, suddenly aware of how naked he is and how close they are. Not because Alec's looking, but because of the way Alec is studiously avoiding looking--always has, and Jace is too far gone these days not to acknowledge that he wants Alec to look, wants Alec's eyes on him, wants his touch.

His entire left side has to be bared to get at the cut. His ears heat up as Alec's hand works gently with a warm, wet cloth to clean the wound, hand on his thigh to stabilize, his love pouring over Jace like almost tangible warmth as clear as he would have through their bond. His fingers careful and mouth pursed with concentration.

"There," Alec whispers against his shoulder, breath hot over his rain-chilled skin, and Jace shivers. Alec's lips brush at the top of his arm, dry and electric.

Jace makes a stifled sound, turning his head towards Alec so their cheeks brush, pausing, waiting with wanting breaths, and Alec's face turns just that slightest bit into him, their lips hovering, angling at each other.

"I thought I lost you," Jace whispers roughly.

"I'm here," Alec's breath ghosts over his lips and Jace's mouth opens and closes in response, almost a kiss, sharing air, and Alec groans softly, pushing forward the last millimeter until their lips touch, press, kiss.

Jace turns into him, grazing his teeth at Alec’s lips, inviting, and Alec presses closer, mouths closing on each other and getting lost. They’ve been doing this, pretending it’s not real but it is, and they’re alone and there’s no denial this time. Jace cups his cheek, kisses sweet and adoring and recklessly hopeful.

Reckless because Alec is pushing him to lie back on the bed, raised on one elbow to look down at him.

"Alec that night, the full moon," Jace bites his lip as he looks right back, "And." He pauses, tentative, "The past few weeks, I—" he lowers his lashes, avoiding Alec’s eyes, "I want—"

Alec’s hand is on his face, fingertips tracing from his temple down to his lips, and Jace kisses at them.

"I know that's not what we are, that you said we’d go back to our old normal with the only thing being different that I can’t use runes now, but every time you put your hands on me, it gets harder not to kiss you. I can’t stand the idea of you—” Jace swallows, “Going back to that normal. Being with someone else.” He glances up then, quick, but gets caught in the way Alec’s eyes are dark and intent. “Knowing that I have an excuse to touch you, that everyone expects it, knowing that you might let me, that maybe you want it too--"

"Sounds presumptuous," Alec says drily, lowering to speak against his mouth, lips pursing into a kiss, "What makes you think I want anything?"

"You're right, forget I said anything," Jace says hoarsely, sucking his lower lip into his mouth, mouth curving a smile against Alec’s, "You clearly don't want me at all," he twines his hands in Alec's damp hair, "Come here and not want me some more," tugs at Alec’s hip until Alec comes to lie over him on his good side, leg pressing against Jace's.

He touches Alec almost as if making sure he’s real, seeing him with his hands, reaching from his face to his hair, to wrapping around his shoulders, down his sides, lower to the edge of his shirt, pushing off the jacket he still has on, soaked—too focused on getting Jace’s bleeding under control, and it’s typical Alec, forgetting all good sense when Jace is hurt.

Jace rubs his hands up under his shirt on cold, clammy skin, pulling off the damp cotton up and over Alec’s head.

Alec makes a soft sound, face pressed to the curve of his neck, and Jace lifts his head because he has to see it, see how Alec looks when he makes that sound, pressing his bare skin into Jace’s hands—it’s, open-mouthed and fever eyed, licking at his dry lips, and Jace leans in to kiss them, wet them for him, stroking into Alec’s hair, just long enough to grip in gently as he brings Alec back down so he can fit their mouths together again, so perfect, like they were always meant to move like this into each other, the soft insides of his lips, the dizzying press of his tongue. _Alec._ His eyes flutter closed at the taste, the rhythm of them, and he keeps opening them again because he can’t stop watching, has to see everything still.

“You need to heal,” Alec nibbles on his bottom lip, “you need sleep.”

Jace nods but chases his mouth anyway, can’t imagine not—

“No,” Alec nuzzles at him but turns his face away, breathing hard and making a tortured sound, “Don’t pout, pouting only works when you want something that’s not going to hurt you,” He turns to kiss Jace’s cheek, his nose, down one shoulder, pulling Jace’s shirt down with him, one hand undoing the buttons until Jace is shivering under him. He pulls the covers over them both, nuzzling at his neck, hiding a smile in the join of his shoulder. “Sleep.”

They doze off like that, Alec half on top of Jace, legs tucked around Jace’s uninjured one and holding hands, the movement of his chest lengthening with sleep.

“Love you,” Jace whispers against his temple, and for a moment lying there wrapped up dry and warm and safe in their own little world, every darkness, every loss, all the bruises and wounds and bloodying blows that he’s taken on alone, that he’s starting to forget ever not having faced alone, is still shared, and the world is every kind of perfect.

-

He’s cold. Weak. Reaching for Alec as he opens his eyes.

Alec is out of bed pulling on clothes. “You’re not healing.”

The bed beneath them is soaking with blood that’s welling through the bandages, and Alec’s eyes are wide with rising panic. “I’ve sent a fire message to Magnus and Luke. I’m sending one to Catarina too, she’s a nurse, she knows about healing. I haven’t asked the Silent Brothers but if this doesn’t stop—”

“Alec,” Jace whispers, “It’s just a wound.”

Alec shakes his head, coming to wrap a sheet around him just as Clary enters the room. “Portal, now,” he turns to her, picking Jace up. “Please,” he adds, voice shaking.

Clary nods, mouth grim as she takes them to Magnus’s loft.


	11. Chapter 11

“I know you probably don’t want to see me,” Alec paces, tugging at his own hair, “I didn’t know who else to ask, he lost so much blood, he’s so cold, Magnus—”

“It’s alright Alexander. You did the right thing, and of course I’ll do everything I can,” Magnus brushes his arm with one hand, soothing and kind and solid. Alec thinks he probably never deserved him.

He waves his hand over Jace’s wounds, streaming magic. It goes on for several minutes and he starts to sag from the exhaustion of expending so much magic. They all rush forward to catch Magnus and Izzy and Clary take his other hand to lend their strength.

Alec bends down to hold Jace’s hand in both of his, trying to push energy into him directly. They may not have a bond anymore, but Jace had activated a rune, his eyes had glowed, and Alec will try anything at this point. He breathes fully again once Jace’s breaths become deeper, syncing them together as he brushes at the steadying pulse at Jace’s wrist, his skin darkening back to health.

Magnus runs fingers over his forehead, thinking, “He’ll be alright for now. Some rest, no patrolling for a day or so probably. But I have to say I’m not sure why this happened. I’ll have to look into it more. Maybe Tessa can help. I’ll let you know.”


	12. Chapter 12

The sun is bright on his face, warm and caressing. He’s always loved the sun, but never as much as this last month of waking up to Alec.

“Hey,” Alec’s hand is on his face, smoothing away his hair, and he turns into it, opening his eyes slowly, savoring, basking, kissing at his wedding ring. Alec’s lips brush at his forehead, something in his face so soft, so wrapped up, it brightens everything inside Jace.

“Hey,” he returns. Reaches up, running both hands up Alec’s back, tilts his face up, nuzzling, lips brushing together dry and tender, Alec’s hands and chest against his own bare and heady, skin on skin, shifting until the brush becomes deliberate and heated, hands firm and fingers digging and Alec moaning helplessly into his mouth.

“Jace,” Alec's leg between his, dragging along his erection.

Jace is suddenly very, very aware of how naked he is, how the blanket has shifted so Alec's jeans are rubbing directly on him, too rough—he tries to maneuver Alec's hips off to undo the buttons to his jeans.

Alec hums distractedly, biting kisses down his neck, teeth catching on skin and probably leaving marks.

"You’re wearing jeans," Jace tries again, "It's rubbing on some very. Delicate. Skin."

Alec makes an amused sound, bussing his cheek, trailing his fingers up Jace's thigh, featherlight, tracing the outline of his dick through his briefs.

"Do you," Jace swallows, "Do you think maybe you could."

"Yeah?" Alec licks into his mouth, amused.

"Use your whole hand?"

"You sure? You’re not going to go full wolf and bite me just because I felt up your leg a little?" he moves his fingertips up and down, until Jace is making breathy little sounds, and Alec lifts up on one elbow to watch, looking from his face down to his hands “Maybe I should take Izzy’s advice and restrain you.”

Jace’s cock jerks in his hand.

“Oh, wow, that’s a yes,” Alec grins smugly, leaning his down towards Jace’s.

“Wait. Izzy’s advice?” Jace finally registers the words and frowns, erection starting to wilt at the thought of their sister.

"Later," Alec bites and pulls at his lower lip, “The moon isn’t so big anymore, but let me know if you’re feeling bitey,” sliding down the bed to kiss and lick and suck and taste his way down as Jace curses and fists the sheets, trying desperately not to buck up.

"That's good too," he nods encouragingly, "more of that," he reaches one hand down and strokes down Alec's cheek, lifting up on his elbows to watch him, "Fuck, you look so--" moans deep in his throat, "A- _lec_ \--"

He has Alec on his back and pinned and nosing at his neck before he knows what he’s doing, panting dazedly down, heart sinking for a moment when he’s not sure if he’s lost control somehow—

And then Alec’s flipped him back, holding his hips down hard, too much to overcome with werewolf strength this time, and sinking his teeth into Jace’s hipbone before he can spiral into actual panic.

He turns and puts his mouth over his cock without warning, swallowing until Jace is all the way in his throat and moves his head up and down, sucking hard with hollowed out cheeks and relentless pace.

If he wants to distract Jace, he’s doing excellently.

Jace feels the tightening and tingling in his in his balls, narrowing his focus to Alec and nothing but Alec, his mouth, hot and tight and draining him within minutes, making him melt bonelessly into the bed, eyes barely open when Alec comes up to kiss him. "I love you," the words tumble out breathlessly.

-

“Clave representatives will arrive within the day to examine Jace.” Imogen says from the computer screen, “They’ve decided that if their findings are satisfactory, Jace may be allowed to visit Alicante. At least, for short, supervised visits.”

Jace keeps his face blank but his eyes are fierce as they train on her image.

“And do we have any idea what kind of findings they would consider to be satisfactory?” Alec’s hand is squeezing his on the table, out of sight of the camera.

“Not as of yet, but it _is_ Consul Penhallow, accompanied by her daughter Aline. I believe Aline may be helpful if Jace has a chance to speak to her alone.” She turns to look solely at Jace, “I would come as well, but my presence may look like favoritism.”

“Of course,” Jace nods. Swallows before he speaks again. “Thank you. Grandmother.”

It’s the first time he’s called her that, and although the ground seems to shift under his feet, it is temporary, and completely worth the actual smile that comes to Imogen’s face. 

Clary smiles at him encouragingly from her seat on the other side of Alec's desk, out of sight of the monitor.

“So what do we do? Do we distract the Consul so Jace can talk to Aline?” Izzy speaks first after the call has ended.

“And how would we do that, exactly?” Clary says, “She’s not particularly fond of me, so I don’t know if that can help or hurt us.”

“Right—” Alec launches into some plan, but Jace is caught up in watching him, the play of his fingers—the ring—as he talks, the pink curves of his mouth.

Alec had kept him held down as he stroked himself off and Jace watched, shocked speechless and immediately, painfully, hard again. But they’d had to rush to meet Imogen’s calls, effectively curbing his hormones for the moment.

But now he can’t focus again, impatient for the girls to leave. The idea of Alec the way he was this morning, flipping out of Jace’s hold—though it wasn’t the same exactly as when Jace keeps him pinned when they spar—pinning Jace again, making it clear that he could keep Jace that way if he started wolfing out—it all circles around and around Jace’s head like scenes from a very persistent, very pornographic movie.

He shakes his head and stands up straight as the door closes behind the girls, leaving them alone, turning to meet Alec’s eyes.

They’re dark as he takes the two steps necessary to stand before Jace, crowd him into his desk, “You weren’t listening at all.”

Jace’s cheeks heat and he shrugs.

Alec raises a hand to tuck his hair out of his face, brush it back and tighten his fingers in it on the back of his head gently, tipping his head up.

Jace shivers. 

“Is this,” Alec clears his throat, tipping his chin as if to indicate the way he's holding Jace in place, the position telling even if his hand is gentle. “Is this a thing?”

“It’s not a thing.”

“Okay,” Alec’s face sways closer, eyes trained on Jace’s lips.

“It’s just you,” Jace gazes up at him, voice dropping to a rasp, “It makes me insane trying not to be all over you when you’re wearing my ring. And now I _can_ , and you can keep me from hurting you. _You’re_ my thing.”

“I’m your _thing_ ,” Alec manages to tease. Barely. “You could never hurt me.”

“I could, Alec. You know I could.” Even now, Jace beats him at sparring more than half the time. If he lost control of the wolf--

“Let me rephrase that. You _would_ never. And even if you somehow turned me by accident, we’d live with it.”

Abruptly the heat starts to fizzle out of Jace. “Don’t say things like that.”

Alec shrugs. “I’m not saying that’s what I want, I’m saying that there’s no future where I see life without you. Our oath still stands.”

-

Jace spends the day not wanting it to be over and jittery about the impending Clave visit.

Alec’s possibly not doing it on purpose, but he’s never not in Jace’s space, and worse, going from stabbing his finger onto Jace's chest and grabbing him by the shoulder or back to now settling his hands on Jace’s waist and grabbing his shirt to pull him in the direction they're moving when they walk anywhere, palms wide and proprietary and intoxicating.

He tests it out, trying to see if he can make it happen. He waits until they’re surrounded by monitors in a deserted corner and presses up to Alec's back.

Alec presses right back onto him, head tilting slightly to the left so Jace's face can fit into the space between his neck and shoulder. So, yes.

And then, right there, Alec turns, hands on Jace’s jaw and chest, fingers dragging down into his waistband as he kisses Jace into a table.

"Fuck," Jace curses.

"What?"

"You're uh, doing," Jace's eyes flutter almost closed as he moves into the hand on his jaw, "your hands are doing--"

"What, this?" Alec settles his palm up higher on the side of Jace’s head, rubs up into Jace's hair, "you like this?" His eyes narrow with concentration, sharp as he watches Jace's mouth open, "you do. You like—what about," Alec leans forward and kisses from the cheekbone his thumb is stroking over to his hairline and Jace moans.

And Alec leaps on him, swallowing it and devouring his mouth right then and there, where any number of cameras could pick them up.


	13. Chapter 13

"It's like they're making out with their eyes," Maia makes a face.

But Simon is gazing at them with a soppy expression, "I can't tell if it's more or less adorable because they're actually deadly demon killing machines."

Maia gives a long sigh turning to Izzy instead, who nods at her.

"I'm immune to it because I grew up with them. But you're totally right. They’re not _doing_ anything but it might as well be sex-rated."

“X-rated,” Simon hurries to correct as Clary laughs, rubbing at Izzy’s arm.

“Oh look, now they’re catching a fire message together. Synchronized fire message catching.” Jordan mumbles.

“You’re not jealous, are you?” Maia looks at him.

“No?” Jordan turns, suddenly focusing fully on Maia instead of avoiding her face. “Is that… good? That I’m not jealous?” He knocks over a stack of cups, scrambling to catch them. “Of them?”

-

The fire messages reach them while they’re at the Hunter’s moon. Magnus arranged a meeting with Tessa Gray.

"Was there an event? A surge of angelic power?" The warlock is as magnetic as Magnus described, quiet and unassuming and competent, that sharp undercurrent of sadness in most warlocks a little more poignant, a little more beautiful.

Jace knows she was the wife of his ancestor despite being a warlock, also engaged to said ancestor’s parabatai. It’s a whole complicated story that keeps Magnus busy talking during the visit, and apparently involves him kissing Will Herondale. Jace files that information away for later.

“Well they did both light up like Times Square on New Year’s Eve when Jace had his full moon extravaganza last week." Simon pipes up.

“I believe some wolf remains despite the predominance of angelic power—you should be able to take runes, as you’ve noticed, but if you attempt it, you should also be able to use werewolf traits. It may be useful in battle.” She looks kindly at Jace, “Do not be afraid to use all of your resources in a time of need Jace, you can’t hurt Alec by healing faster during a battle.”

Jace nods but doesn’t know how he’ll let go of the fear that comes over him when he’s doing anything werewolf-like around Alec.

“You will never fully turn without extremely focused effort.” She pauses, her face considering, “On the other hand, you may have success if you attempt to reperform your parabatai ritual. It is unorthodox but you’ve proven you can take runes, as I said.”

She comes to sit closer to him. “Not all werewolf instincts are necessary to suppress, Jace. The sense of pack and family, the instincts that enhance being able to protect and nurture. That especially could be a good thing, perhaps with children.”

“He uh,” Alec coughs, tries again. “was touching my stomach, putting his face on it in his sleep.” His face is the most fascinating shade of red, “We were talking about raising, uh, children, not—just in general—before going to sleep—” Alec rubs a hand over his face. “He can’t get me pregnant somehow, can he?” He blurts out in one breath from beneath his hand.

"No, Alec, werewolves don't have the power to magically impregnate men." Tessa bites back a smile though it’s evident on her face and in her eyes. “Maybe he’s reacting to you being his mate. Or his future desire to have children at all.”

Jace’s cheeks burn just as much, not remembering any of this of course.

"But Jace has extra angel blood. He does…things."

“Even so,” Tessa smiles outright, “I think it’s unlikely.”

Clary jumps in with narrowed eyes, "And what's wrong with being pregnant? If it could happen?"

"Nothing! My body just wasn't made for… that!"

Jace shrugs innocently, “Well, Imogen did say she wanted grandchildren.”

“This is not a joke, Jace!” Alec smacks at his arm, practically giddy when Jace shoves back. Strong again and not pale and weak like he’d been the last time they were all in Magnus’s study.

“I didn’t mean that you’d be having them with your body!”

Alec freezes as their eyes hold, laughter blanked entirely for a second. The thought of something as solid and real as a surrogate—or adopting, actually going through with it, having children, together—something about it tugs at him _hard_ , and he knows that Jace is thinking the same, doesn’t need their rune to know that thought, and it—it feels indescribable. Not just wanting it but the possibility that it could happen. That it’s a joke now but not an impossibility someday.


	14. Chapter 14

The impossible thoughts are shoved aside by the time they get home and to their room, alone, and Jace still doesn’t come closer.

“We can’t.” Alec stops inside the doorway and cuts Jace off before Jace can open his mouth. “It’s too dangerous.”

“We have to.” Jace stops staring at the fireplace with folded arms and turns to him.

“Why?” Alec’s shoulders hunch up.

“We can’t go on like this,” Jace’s eyes shine and face scrunches up, mouth tight like every time he has to fight Alec on something that matters and all Alec wants to do is reach out and smooth it away, kiss it better and—and Alec _can_.

“Like what?” Alec reaches for him, tone softening, relieved when Jace melts into the touch and lets him close.

“Feeling off kilter,” Jace searches his face, “Walking around off balance, like there’s a hole in our chests and we’re missing a limb. Not being a part of you _hurts,_ Alec.”

"Not when we’re together.” Alec drops down to lean their foreheads together, “Do you only want me close like this because you miss our parabatai bond? Because I hurt before, too. Not being able to touch you like this.” He cups Jace’s face in his hands and brushes a kiss along one cheekbone, speaking over his mouth, “Now I never _have_ to be away from you. I get to hold you in my sleep and wake up to you every morning and I’m with you every day.” He fits his mouth against Jace’s, coaxing, “This is working.”

"And when--" Jace’s voice drops to quiet, sad, "When things settle down and we don't have to be married anymore?"

“Are you seriously asking if I want to stay with you? After I just admitted I’m only okay because I get to be with you all the time and that’s all I want forever?” Alec pulls back to frown at him.

“Trying to substitute our parabatai bond with physical closeness is not the same thing as a real marriage, Alec.”

“So are we going to ignore the part where I've been in love with you since before I knew that it was called being in love?"

Jace breathes in sharp and audible, "I never knew if—you’ve never really explained that. I felt something change with us when you met Magnus, and I didn’t understand because why would that affect us, but it—well I was affected too.” Jace looks down at the floor, “You’ve never said anything and I wouldn’t ask because what you give me already is—it’s more than enough. I would never push. Magnus is good and good _for_ you and I would never want to mess that up for you. I still don’t.” He swallows, eyes wet, “I asked you to be my parabatai because it was the only way I thought I was allowed to love you and be with you forever--" 

Alec cuts him off, then, needs those words on him, inside him, swallowing them and licking into Jace’s mouth for more until Jace groans, fear and need and yearning spiraling out of control, and Alec moans right back into it, has to, pulls him closer still, running hands down his back and further to his thighs to pull him up, lift him and fit their bodies together, Jace’s legs around his waist and arms around his shoulders, hands on his face, warm metal of his ring on Alec’s cheek, his neck, holding his face as he kisses Alec, climbing at him, consuming, and Alec’s never wanted anything else more than this.

“We get to have this.” His voice comes out hoarse, too far gone to care if he’s begging, “No matter what comes after, let me—”

Jace nods, taking his mouth again, humming _yes_ even while he kisses, unspoken and fervent. _Yes yes yes_.

When Alec carries him the few steps towards the bed, Jace pulls back, eyes dark and molten as he tips backwards, taking Alec with him, and Alec stops their fall with one outstretched hand used to the way Jace moves him, the way their bodies move together.

Jace pulls him in, still like sparring but dirty, his legs keep tightening around Alec until he’s grinding in, helpless, but he doesn’t have to hold back, doesn’t have to keep himself from pushing his hips down into Jace’s where he knows Jace is hard too, knows lining them up to grind more will get Jace’s teeth at his neck, fingers digging into his shoulders as Jace thrusts up and grinds right back, making him make sounds he never means to but never quite manages to hold in.

“Let me hear you,” Jace’s voice is low in his ear, entreating instead of taunting in this, but still using the distraction to flip him.

 _Typical._ Alec shakes his head and smiles breathlessly up at him.

“Sorry, instinct,” Jace tips his chin up to kiss him, messy hair and wild eyed, “I want you so fucking much.”

“Losing control of the wolf?” Alec soothes a thumb over where he bit his lip, watching Jace graze his teeth at it distractedly.

"I didn't mean like that.”

"How did you mean it," Alec's eyes are dark and intent.

"You _know_ how," Jace says, gravelly, sits up and slides his hands up Alec's chest, rucking up his shirt, letting Alec pull it off over his head as he works open his pants, shoving down and helping Alec kick them off.

Alec groans as he slots up between Jace's legs, rocking against him. Hisses when Jace works a hand between them and rubs the bulging line of his cock in his boxers, looking up for permission as he tugs them down, wraps his hand around. Alec chokes, hips bucking up, breath coming out in a whine as he watches his cock disappear and reappear out of Jace’s fist. Feels the thin stripe of warm metal. Then he loses all coherence when Jace’s other hand reaches lower, cupping at his balls, both hands on him and encompassing him.

"Jace, _fuck_ ," Alec tears the sheets on his way to reach into Jace’s hair, one hand on his cheek, panting, and groaning outright when Jace lowers his whole body down, licking his lips, clearly—unbelievably—but _definitely_ about to— _oh fucking Christ_.

Jace’s mouth sinks down on him, swallowing impossibly deep and deeper until his hair is brushing on Alec's skin, nose nudging into Alec’s hip, into the curls of hair above his cock. Alec scrambles to pull his hair out of the way, hold it up so he can _see_ , arching up off the bed and vision graying out as he sobs out Jace’s name harsh and loud and beyond caring as he comes abruptly, almost painfully, faster than he’s ever had before in his whole entire life. He falls back and throws an arm over his head, face hot and chest hurting from the lack of air, but still watching as Jace wipes the back of his hand over his mouth and comes back up, kneeling above him, arms on either side of Alec’s face, watching Alec and still licking at his lips, the inside seam of them—he’s—Alec makes a sound in his throat, because Jace is tasting come, tasting _him_ , because he swallowed—Alec’s dizzy, mind blanking out everything else.

Jace’s fist is pulling at his hair until Alec's face tilts up, biting kisses at his mouth, sharing, and Alec’s never actually—

He moans desperately not sure how he’s getting even more worked up almost like he never came at all, like it was a brief pause to keep him from exploding, and the way Jace is _looking_ at him, like he’s drinking Alec in, every movement, stroking away at the sweaty hair sticking to Alec’s forehead and touching at the hollow of his throat.

"Mine," his face serious, which is laughable because how is that a thing that needs to be said, could ever have been anything else, could even need to be asked or questioned—

Alec nods wordlessly, and then—

“Mine,” Alec echoes, the word almost faltering before it ends strong—a realization. Obvious maybe, now, but new still and obvious in the way that some obvious things slam into you like three hundred pounds of lead shot in the chest. These eyes, bright and vulnerable, have always looked at him like this, gazed, devoted, pained at the slightest hint of Alec being distressed, even when they’re fighting— _especially_ if they’re fighting, fierce and obstinate but so soft for him, _belonging_ to him. They’ve always been Alec’s, _he’s_ always been Alec’s, and Alec’s shied away from it, been afraid of what he’d see, of what he’d _show_ , been so lost in his own longing and so sure it couldn’t happen, couldn’t be anything but futile, shameful, something to be shoved down and hidden and denied until they both hurt from it—and so, so now, here’s this, this fact.

They’ve both been hurting from it.

"Your eyes are glowing," he tells Jace, not registering his own words, caught up in the maelstrom of his own thoughts, that Jace seems to be picking up as if the angelic magic binding their souls is still intact.

"Wolf glow or angelic glow?" Jace whispers.

"Gold." Alec whispers back roughly, "Why, what are you trying to do?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking,"

"What?" Alec brings him down with a hand on back of his neck to kiss him, newly entitled, the surge of power potent and overwhelming. Dives in knowing all of it is for him and _just_ him, every breath, every sound, every inch of skin he bares, pulling steadily at all the clothes still on Jace. He feels his stamina rune activate—Jace—and smiles bright and sharp to meet his eyes. _Yes_. Alec flips him this time, straddles him. “Use your words, Jace.”

"How I want to be inside you."

Alec inhales sharply, mouth falling open at the—obvious, again, but wholly new and shocking and _exhilarating_ —thought. _Yes_ , again, and _please._

"Or the other way around, I don't care, didn't mean now, we can get to it later," Jace says, words tumbling out fast on each other’s heels, "Just thinking about it. How I want to be closer to you," 

Alec arches back, taking Jace's hand and sucking on his fingers, tonguing around his ring, messy on purpose, wetting them and slicking them up as Jace watches, scrambling to let Alec's legs move apart so Alec can reach down with Jace's fingers held in his hand, pushing them into himself.

There’s an unintelligible string of curses—some incoherent combination of _motherfuckingchristfuck_ , as Jace stares, obediently fucking with his fingers, watching Alec's face.

"C'mere," Alec's says, voice so impossibly deep it breaks, tugging Jace up with hand on the back of his neck—every time he does it, it gets more familiar, heady and electrifying, commanding, and Jace comes, sits up and braces himself on the bed with one hand, the other one reaching for Alec, ready for whatever Alec decides. _Anything_ Alec wants.

"That was," Jace shakes his head like he's trying to clear it, "Are you sure?"

"Jace," Alec glares but his eyes are so unfocused that he knows looks like he might be drugged, raising up just enough on his knees to move Jace’s fingers inside himself easier, “Don’t act like you haven't been making me crazy looking at your hands and trying not to push you against every flat surface and fuck you senseless.

“Fuck me senseless?" Jace’s voice jumps along with his eyebrows, almost sheepish, flushed and fevered.

“You really didn't know? All the touching and licking your fingers at dinner while looking at my _mouth_?"

"So, hands? What about my face and like, abs and stuff?" Jace says weakly, trying to tease but failing as he curls one finger inside Alec, like it’s instinct, making his eyes flutter closed.

"Are you serious," Alec groans, laughing, and pins him with a hand on his chest, using his bigger weight and height. And for once Jace isn't fighting him off. Going pliant and rocking up at him as Alec rubs his ass shamelessly on the ridge of his cock. "All of it, you conceited brat. Every inch of you makes me think about sex. All the time. It's unbearable."

Jace makes a strangled sound in his throat, and Alec reaches for his cock to line them up, sinks down onto him, pausing, taking more, making him more crazy. Jace is holding his face, one hand digging into his ass, supporting without moving him. 

"Now your eyes are glowing, too," he rasps.

Alec frowns, but can’t be bothered to think about why or what it means, or even manage to make words in general, pushing nonverbally at Jace until Jace thrusts up to meet him, once, twice, excruciating and perfect, and then _three, four,_ until it's a slide into a rhythm, and even more brilliant—Jace’s hand reaching for his cock, wrapping sure and wide and callused, surrounding him, holding Alec’s eyes until the heat builds up to engulf them, taking over. Jace’s hand falters on his cock as he gasps for breath, kissing up as Alec bites back roughly down on him, hands digging into his shoulders, his arms, thighs slowing down to a shudder.

"Alec, I love you," Jace gasps harsh and loud into his mouth, and Alec pushes his face into Jace’s blindly, falling endlessly onto him as Jace holds and clings and falls with him.

-

It’s a storm that wakes them up again, or so Alec thinks, reaching for Jace next to him.

There’s no storm. The sky is blue and clear outside, but the thrum of electricity after lightning is coming from _inside_ them. Inside Alec and—he can feel it inside Jace, too.

"Do you feel--" Alec frowns, touching the spot on his chest where Jace’s birthmark burned into him and is burning the same way again now.

"Our bond? Yeah." Jace sounds like he feels.

They reach at the same time for their sides and each other, "Where's our rune?" 

"My birthmark, it’s burning," Jace reaches up to the back of his own shoulder, "It doesn't feel exactly the same as our rune, I think it’s this."

"But I can feel you again," Alec holds his face, eyes tearing up, "Jace," he shakes, sagging against him with the absence of a pain he’s been tensing himself against for over a month now, "Oh Jace," and Jace is shaking against him. He kisses Jace's face, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, stroking it like he’s using his touch to see, feeling it through their bond again, seeing without his eyes.

"This is real," Jace whispers disbelievingly, almost a question, asking for confirmation—squeezing at him like he might disappear, "Alec, what does this mean?"

Alec kisses his temple, murmuring softly, wonderingly, “Entreat me, not to leave thee.” The words feel right, more right than wedding vows and any other runes but this.

“Or to return from following after thee,” Jace whispers hoarsely back, adrenaline shivers calming down as he recites the rest of their oath with Alec.

And there’s no witness, no heavenly fire, no steles to burn runes into their skin, but—

"We're connected again." Alec can’t catch his breath, stroking Jace’s hair and holding his face, naked and vulnerable, and Alec will always protect him.

"I can activate your runes and we’re connected through my angelic mark. The clave is going to have a field day with this,” Jace says distantly, withdrawing into himself even while Alec is holding him.

"We’re telling the Clave nothing.” Alec says darkly, “No one is taking you from me ever again. Not the law, not Valentine, not Clary or—other people" 

“The Clave _or_ Clary, huh?” Jace laughs honestly this time, throwing his head back, "Good thing we're already married, then." 

Alec glares. “You’re an idiot and I don’t know why I’m in love with you.”

“But you are.” Jace grins unrepentantly, laughing outright when Alec throws a pillow at him, catching it and pulling Alec down to him instead, and Alec goes to him immediately, sinks into his arms with the profound relief of being able to feel his other half again.

_If aught but death part thee and me._


End file.
